“I am the Lord your God. I am holding your hand, so don’t be afraid. I am here to help you”  ——Isaiah 41:13

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there’s just one left
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore

On my knees, I’ll ask
Last chance for one last dance
‘Cause with you, I’d withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I’d give it all
I’d give for us
Give anything but I won’t give up
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away(So far away)
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
‘Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
‘Cause I’m not leaving you anymore
believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
So keep breathing
‘Cause I’m not leaving you anymore
believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go

far away/nickelback

needing you is like a wound that gets deeper in time…i miss you so much…so much.

my day started with this:

taking of blood for cbc…….ouchie!

then i went walking and had a great time with my “constant companion”:

my invacare quad cane!!!!

had a fruit platter for breakfast:

grapes, apples and oranges….yum…yum….yum

went to the supermarket. mom was in “panic buying mode” and she bought these:

cans of ensure

went home and had fun doing this:

looney tunes colouring book and pentel pastels…….loving it!

got bored and decided to go online:

i’m versatile…as you can see i watch tv while checking my mails..he he he

now, i’m sleepy……bed calling……..gotta do the nap nap nap

till next post! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

one humid day

crowded train

perspiring

chilling

trembling

difficulty breathing

chest pains

dizzy

throwing up

emergency room

capitol medical center

170608

please take care…..i care for you so much

How do I begin to say
Words are not enough to show you how I really feel
How the night is now just knowing you are here
I can show you night and day
I’ll hold you ’till the end of tomorrows disappear
Now it’s all so clear
What a fool I would have been if I never let you in
Inside of me so faithfully you stood by me

It started with a leap of faith, took me to a higher place
Though I wasn’t ready to believe you were there to reach inside of me
I thank you for the love you gave
For every step along the way
You taught me to believe again,
Baby, that’s the hardest part.
It’s all because you took the journey
The journey to the center of my heart

Looking back I have to laugh
Thinking how I walked the earth so proudly on my own
When deep down I was scared to be alone
Somewhere down that lonely path
You appeared with love to follow anywhere I go
How did you know you could turn my world around
This place I never would have found
Without you I would spend my life afraid to fly

It started with a leap of faith, took me to a higher place,
Though I wasn’t ready to believe you were there to reach inside of me
I thank you for the love you gave
For every step along the way
You taught me to believe again
Baby, thats the hardest part.
It’s all because you took the journey
The journey to the center of my heart

What a fool I would have been
If I never let you in inside of me so faithfully you stood by me

It started with a leap of faith, took me to a higher place,
Though I wasn’t ready to believe you were there to reach inside of me
I thank you for the love you gave
For every step along the way
You taught me to believe again
Baby, thats the hardest part.
It’s all because you took the journey
The journey to the center of my heart

I thank God you took the journey to the center of my heart

the center of my heart/michael bolton

Been sitting here in front of my laptop for almost an hour now but i still couldn’t figure out if i will write something here or not. My brain’s on the loose!

Sorry I haven’t posted for a while. After the consolidation chemo, I hibernated to dream land and tried to live a pseudo-normal life. But with my restrictions and “not-to-dos” it’s difficult most of the time. I’ve been continuously doing my therapy and patiently waiting for that time where I would see myself walk on my own two feet again. For now, I can already go up and down the stairs by myself, without a cane (I just cling to the stair handles like my life depends on it, ha ha ha).

I’m done with my liver function test, 2D-echo, lung capacity test, glucose tolerance test, sperm count test and endoscopy. Yesterday, they’ve removed “Hickie” (good grief!) and I also had my bone marrow biopsy. Tomorrow, I have an appointment with my EENT doctor in the morning and my dentist in the afternoon. I’m also taking a close to 20 pills a day and still under a strictly organic fruit, vegetable and soft diet. Whew! I was told that these are phases in preparation for the “my big SCT” next month.

I still feel lethargic at times but I know that I’m getting better every day. I’m still adjusting to these big changes in my life and I really thank God because all is going well so far. There were anomalies in some of my test results but my doctors assured me that they are all manageable and the prognosis are very encouraging. Nothing major has come up yet and my numbers are still okay. And, I have to mentioned that “someone” is making me smile every morning, making my “every day” a better one. Ehem! (I can’t wait to spend some “quality tea time” with her soon).

I’m taking some baby steps, getting myself ready for the transplant while trying to live a somewhat normal life. My hope and trust is in HIM—my Lord, Savior and Healer—-because He knows what’s best for me and I’m completely surrendering my life to Him and letting Him do His will in my life.

Again, I want to say thank you to those who are still praying for me. God bless all of you! And to those who made comments in some of my entries here, thank you so much. Please know that I truly appreciate your visit and although I may not be able to answer all of them now, they are very important to me and I will try to answer them one of these days.

And I want to say a “special” thank you to Pastor Eric C. Maliwat of 702 DZAS. Thanks for the email po and for the prayers. More power to your station.

My journey from brokenman to betterman continues!!! Please journey with me!

The years they come and go
And change will come I know
You won’t be there, my heart and soul

With every time and place
But time cannot erase
The smile that lines your face
As you gaze in mine, you will always shine

And you will always be
An angel making sure I care
The memory, that’s always there
Your dreams won’t die, they live inside of me

You know you’ll always be
My heart and soul

The years roll on and on
I looked and you were gone
I miss you so, my heart and soul

The years can make you wise
Now I finally realize
That if I just close my eyes
I can see you there, and the love we share

And you will always be
A dream so real, that cannot die
A trusting faith that lets me fly
A love so strong that just belong to me

You know you’ll always be
My heart and soul

Oh, an angel making sure I care
The memory that’s always there
You’ll always be my heart and soul

My Heart and Soul/Stephen Bishop

(please keep the memories; please keep me in your heart; carry me with you; i want to be where you are…. even beyond this life..)

i had my last session of consolidation chemo yesterday. yahoo!! i’m now on chemo break and i’ll be having my bone marrow biopsy next week.

i was feeling sick and was throwing up the whole day today. but come dinner time, i was craving for pizza so i had this….

one slice of sbarro’s vegetable pizza!!!! delicious!

but now, i don’t feel so good. been going in and out of the comfort room and my stomach feels very upset. i’m constipated. damn!

as expected my doctor scolded me and gave me cephulac. so now i’m back to my usual meal of oatmeal, fruits and vegetables.

no more pizza for me for the time being….hu hu hu.

I never let myself believe it
No, not till I looked into your eyes
Then I knew I found all I need
The moment that I found you

I was born to love you
Born to be right here by your side
Through all your darkest nights
I was born to love you
Id do anything to make you mine
Until the end of time

Theres no need to ever doubt it
You set my love free when you walked in the door
You changed everything
Youre all that Im living for

I was born to love you
Born to be right here by your side
Through all your darkest nights
I was born to love you
Id do anything to make you mine
Until the end of time

You changed everything
Youre all that Im living for

I was born to love you
Born to be right here by your side
Through all your darkest nights
I was born to love you
Id do anything to make you mine
Until the end of time

I was born to love you
Born to be right here by your side
Through all your darkest nights
I was born to love you
Id do anything to make you mine
Until the end of time

I was born to love you

                              i was born to love you/eric carmen

After more than a month of being on remission, I went back to the cancer institute for my scheduled consolidation or intensification chemotherapy. The goal of this phase is to destroy any remaining leukemia cells. It was also the start of the preparation for my stem cell transplant tentatively scheduled on July 2008.

First, my Hickman line was reinstalled. It is a silicon tube placed into one of my major blood vessels leading to my heart. It is used for giving treatment directly into a vein for my chemotherapy, administration of intravenous fluids, for my blood transfusion and for taking blood samples. The benefit of this thing is that it will save me the discomfort of having needles repeatedly inserted into my veins. I hate needles really. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

The procedure actually started with a lot of x-rays in my neck and chest. When the vein has been identified, the line was then fitted. The procedure lasted for less than 30 minutes. Of course, it was done with a local anaesthetic and some intravenous sedatives. The line actually enters a vein in my neck (my collar bone) and exits from my upper chest. It was inserted through a tunnel in my skin. There were tingling sensations and pinches of pain during the procedure. It was very uncomfortable and I got four stitches after the incision. Keeping my “dangling line” in place is a stitch placed around the catheter. I was told that the stitch will remain there until the normal tissues has grown enough to hold the line naturally. Also, I was informed that there’s a small cuff in the tunnel which supports the tube.

I had four chemo sessions already using the reinstalled line. And as expected I was wasted, nauseous and exhausted. The day after my second chemo I’ve spiked a fever and was given a liquid paracetamol. When I woke up the next day, my temp went down from 101.2 to 98.5. Thank God.

Just a while ago, I was told that my “precious” Hickman line is due for flushing and cleaning with saline and heparin anytime this week so as to prevent it from being blocked by blood clots and also to avoid contamination. The nurse also told me that they will teach me how to clean it so that I can do the cleaning when I go home. Yahoo!

My oncologist told me that this “thing hanging on my chest” will now become my constant companion and best friend and I better give it a name so that our “bonding” will become more personal. Okay then, so from now on, my hickman line will be called “Hickie”. Ha ha ha.

I’m still up for more chemo sessions the coming days and I’m praying and keeping my faith that God will continuously show His face upon me and that He will help me get pass through it. Bless God!