Archive for Mayo, 2007


i woke up with unbearable pains in my knees and thighs. i asked my mom to just put some pain reliever cream in the painful areas because i really dont want an I.V. or an oral medication anymore. but well, after 3 hours of being in pain, mommy called my doctor and i have no choice but to take my I.V.  dose of dolophine. 😦

i was able to sleep after eating a bowl of oatmeal and i still feel sleepy at this time. my nape and neck are aching. i hope its just a case of “bad sleeping position”.

i’ll have my check up  next week. i’m hoping that that there would be no re-scheduling of my last chemo session for “option a” (although i was told that such would depend on how “well” i am). my doctors will not take the risk.

i was able to walk from my bed to the window and saw the foggy makati skyline. the sky is gloomy today. just like my soul—–gloomy, sad, in pain, incomplete—longing for that one person whom i believe can really make me happy again. i was thinking of her promise. praying she’ll keep it as i would be keeping mine.

i imagine her here, standing beside me as we look at the emerging moon. the clouds are like soft balls of cottons, enveloping the pain in our hearts. i hope the stars would appear tonight…starlight, starbright—please let me make a wish tonight. it was the same wish—the same longing—the same yearning–the same person.

“….i’ll see you again, whether far or soon…but i need you to know….that i care and i miss you.”     i miss you/incubus

this longing..this pain…this sadness…only you...can take it all away.

Comments (4) »

now we are “talking”

me: its raining….i miss you

her: crying. wish u well. i know u will. God bless

me: crying too. i can’t go on living like this. please mag-usap tayo

her: di naman po sa akin ang problema why di pa rin tayo nag-uusap at alam mo yun. and i’m sorry but im not gonna meet you halfway. kung magpapakita ka, kakausapin kita. that i can promise you

me: thank u for that promise. i’ll make sure i’ll see u bago ako pumunta sa hospital. please shave my hair

her: i will do that too

me: thank you so much. can’t wait

her: 🙂 nyt

me: nyt 🙂 God bless

Comments (4) »

ms. universe 2007

she is riyo mori of japan, the crowned ms. universe of 2007! congratulations! nice curves 🙂


(photo source:

Comments (5) »

keep walking

had fun walking this morning 🙂

for someone who’s been on a wheelchair for almost a week now, it feels great to feel the “earth” under my feet again. from my bed to my comfy chair (they are just a few meters apart) it took me 20 minutes to walk from my bed to the chair and back. after that, i tried walking from my bed to the window and then back. with every step, i can feel the “twitch” on my knees, there’s a pinch of pain, but i remember my bone doctor told me, its normal, “tiisin mo lang kailangan mong ilakad”. no pain, no gain 🙂

so after a week of walking some slow baby steps, i was able to walked around my room for almost an hour. i was soaking wet with perspiration but there’s joy within me. my steps are not perfect yet, have fallen couple of times, i’ve hurt my hands, knees, arms, back—but there’s peace within. i’m really praying that i could do my “normal walking” by the end of this week.

tomorrow, i’ll have another session with my physical therapist. i want to do more “walking” too. next week, God willing, i hope i could do some jogging at greenbelt park. i’ve missed that place already and my jogging buddies as well. i remember those times when i will wake up early on saturday mornings to jog around the park then i’ll have a delicious breakfast at heaven and eggs or mcdonald’s then go to work or play golf with my buddies after. i’ve missed that routine really.

spent the rest of the day in bed. my new “vitamin” is making me drowsy and sleepy. my temp was down to 37.5, no more fever, thank God. the infection is giving up on me 🙂

watched “300” today on dvd and was moved by king leonidas’ last words,  “my queen, my wife, my love!”  i think, that’s the “bravest” thing he did in the movie (yeah, i’m a certified romantic buff)

finally, i was reading psalm 139 a while ago and found this song by adam paul williams in sonific. this is actually an adaptation of the verses. i’m putting it here with the hope that readers of my blog will feel the inspiration and hope that i felt when i heard the song.

thank you dad (for calling), mom (for taking care of me), ned (for driving, for the patience, for doing the errands), kuya, ate jo, yei, reese, godo, jay, cai, nice, rod, bret, yang, kajo, pia, shy, fran, belle, fred, chels, ada, lora, tita florence, maya, mags, mari, weng, rosselle, meldee, itoy, chuck, jayjay, koryn, david, pong, yeena, kat, sabby, dante, tito panggoy, brian, reyo, adel, marian, rupert, jon, tseng, pachot, kuya paolo, luther, edward, errol, bilog, sed, claire, bebs, randy and annie (for the sms, calls, offline messages, messages on friendster/multiply, comments, pm/ym, emails, e-cards). salamat ng marami.

and to those who are praying for me (whatever your prayer is…) thank you for remembering me.’s the song:

[sonific 38e3d205cac881336c5b56f6cfa57af80186d3c5]

Comments (9) »

rest in His arms

” i’m helpless, can’t exist without Your touch. You’re faithful always there when i need help. time and time i fall and You pick me up. and i rest in Your arms, i can rest in Your arms, i just rest in Your arms and i feel Your love sweep over me. refreshing gentle breeze that soothes my mind so peaceful my heart is calm close by Your side time and time i see that You’re there for me. and i rest in Your arms I can rest in your arms i just rest in Your arms and i feel Your love sweep over me. hold me close, i need the strength You can give it’s You i need the most to gently calm all my fears. and i rest in Your arms, i can rest in Your arms, i just rest in Your arms and feel Your love sweep over me.”

                            -rest in Your arms/the imperials


Leave a comment »


..ikaw lamang ang buhay ko..sana nama’y pakinggan mo ang puso ko na mayroong sinasabi…ikaw lamang ang tangi kong minamahal…ang lagi kong dinarasal…”

ikaw lamang/gary valenciano

ayaw makinig ng puso ko…di ko alam paanong di ka mahalin..minamahal pa rin kita.. sa kabila ng lahat…pero alam ko….kailangan kong gumalaw…kumilos…para mabawasan ang sakit.

Comments (1) »

the need

“kailangan kita….ngayon at kailanman. kailangan mong malaman na ikaw lamang ang tunay kong minamahal at tangi kong hiling ay makapiling kang muli. kailangan kita”

                                 -kailangan kita/gary valenciano

Comments (3) »


“…in the shadow of Your wings I find protection until the raging storms are over” Psalm 57:1b

thank you my Lord and Savior. Your love is amazing!

Comments (3) »

text messages

been getting some “inspiring” 🙂 sms these days and i want to share some of them here:  

“life is not about waiting for something to pass, its learning to dance in the rain. its singing in the car when you don’t even know all the words. its giving your heart to someone even if you are a little scared at first. its about taking risk and making life worth living because every minute you waste is a minute you’ll never get back”  (this is from my friend, chelsea, the future doctor, hey, i miss your baby talk 🙂 

“Prayer changes things. Worrying changes nothing. So instead of worrying about what you can’t do, think of what God can do for you. Have a worry free day. God bless” (from greg of bpi paseo, thanks bro!)

“friendship is like stepping on a wet cement. the longer you stay, the harder for you to let go. and you can’t go without leaving a single but memorable mark” (from mags, salamat bespren!)


prayer is a perfume to our soul and a fragrance that pleases God. wear your prayer everyday and let it freshen you anytime and anywhere you go. have a blessed and sweet-scented day. take care always” (from pia, salamat tsitsi! 🙂

when nice people touch our lives, we see how beautiful and wonderful our world can be. blessed are those who give us sincere care and thoughts. God bless” (from yang, my best bud’s wife)

God’s love is a candle in the dark, no matter how gloomy out life may be, just one little touch of His love is enough to bring warmth and light. love you po” (from my baby sister, reese)

“God will always shower you graces more than you expect, not only because you asked for them but because a friend wished them for you. love you” (from claire)

“God has a reason for allowing things to happen. we may never understand His wisdom but we simply have to trust His will. God bless best bud (from bret, my best bud)

i know in my heart that Jesus will heal you. always trust in Him. i love you daddy” (from my son, jay)

there are a lot more but i’m watching griffin and phoenix on dvd. 🙂 and i’m too lazy to scroll my O2.

i’m still on my wheelchair but i tried walking this morning and my legs are picking up. thank God.

thanks for the prayers people! God bless us all!

Comments (2) »





i have to admit, i’m really not into “sweets”. so when my endocrinologist told me i should cut down on it, i said to myself “no problem”. 

this afternoon, 21 May 2007, a friend sent me a box of half-dozen krispy kreme doughnuts (3 original glazed and 3 black forest). i had half of both flavors, delicious!

salamat po tsitsi! 🙂 God bless you!

Comments (4) »

on wheels

(20 may 2007) 

yes i am. still on my wheelchair. tried walking this morning, some small slow steps but had to stop because of leg pains. there were some progress though, hopefully, tomorrow, i will be standing  on my own two feet again.

i got my 2D echo results yesterday and my cardiologist said my heart is okay (well, its broken right now, he didnt see that).

nice, my daughter, visited me and we had lunch together. she told me that her enrollment will start on the 23rd of this month.(i hope that’s not the main reason for the visit). she brought me some green apples and siniguelas. thanks baby!

hey, i want to say thank you to those who sent their emails and e-cards wishing me well on my treatment. thank you so much. i didn’t know i could get a support group by just blogging. wow. this means a lot to me. thanks again.

my new henlin kiosk is opening soon at trinoma mall in north avenue corner edsa in quezon city (near sm city north edsa). i thought i wouldn’t get the slot because of some “internal requirements” but i guess the slot is really meant for me. i’m really praying that it would do well.

i’m trying my luck in franchising for hernz ice cream and negotiations are under way. i just hope it won’t bog down this time. i had this not-so-good experience dealing with some people from another ice cream brand and i  called the deal off.

its almost 12am. she’s on my mind again. 😦  how can i stop thinking of you? i’m sure you are sleeping right now, good night, i still love you.


Comments (2) »

this is how i feel at the moment

“…and i meant every word that i said, when i said i’ll love you i meant that i’ll love you forever. that i’m going to keep on loving you ’cause its the only thing i want to do i don’t want to sleep i just want to keep on loving you……”

                         -keep on loving you/reo speedwagon

Leave a comment »

mail box


checked my snail mails today and got this frequent flyer card from emirates airlines. nice 🙂 thanks. i’ve been wanting to go to dubai 🙂  

Comments (1) »


as much as i want to be an out-patient after my chemo session, i had to be admitted for one day due to fluctuating blood pressure and malaise. i’m home now.finally.

i’m still on a wheelchair though. still feeling weak and i’m unable to move that much. i’ve been vomiting since this morning  and i only had a glass of ensure and a piece of banana for lunch. i tried eating “goto” when i woke up but my taste buds were not cooperating. 😦 its either the food taste bitter or bland.

majority of my test results were okay and my doctors assured me that some of the anomalies are manageable. thank God because i was given a period of rest before the last chemo session for “option A” so as to give time for my body to regain strength and to replace healthy cells that were lost during the treatment. i was told that my cell count may actually return to normal long before the cells are working at full capacity.

and since i’m so vulnerable to infection, i was asked to take the  following precautions:

  • always wash hands with anti-bacterial soap (they recommend safeguard, i wonder, do they have an “x-deal” here?) and plenty of water because many infections are transmitted through the hands.
  • avoid people with colds and flu
  • as much as possible, avoid large crowds to reduce the likelihood of coming into contact with sick people
  • bathe daily
  • take steps to prevent cuts or scrapes because open wounds can become entry points for infection
  • prevent cracks in the skin by using a hypo allergenic lotion (i’m using a lotion that says it has virgin coconut oil)
  • be proactive

a while ago, an uncle called up and asked about the progress of my treatment. i said i’m surviving and coping with it. but after the usual pleasantries, he asked me about my “sex life”. “zero po eh” my reply. he was worried coz the medication might affect the “winning performance”  🙂 but i said i’ve had some tests after the first phase and my sperm count is still okay. and of course, the “thing” is still standing and capable. 🙂  🙂

i want to say thank you to those who are praying for me. i really thank God because there are people helping me—–emotionally, spiritually, morally and financially with this battle. i couldn’t thank all of you enough.

tomorrow..well..another day of battle. i hope there’ll be less throwing up and i could eat more. been craving for sinigang na shrimp and patola soup. yum yum

i hope i’ll get more sleep tonight. please continue to pray for me guys. God bless.

thank you my good LORD for being there for me always. You are awesome!

Comments (1) »


today, the 15th of May, is the continuance of my chemo session. my oncologist, dr. dy, told me yesterday that they will be reducing the dosage of anthracycline but they will be adding thioguanine, a third medication.

my treatment is still at the “remission induction” therapy stage and i’m praying that i would be able to have remission after the last session. i usually stay at the hospital after the treatment because i always develop infection the next day. (my doctors said its a normal thing since chemotherapy destroys many normal blood cells in the process of killing the leukemia cells),  but i’m praying that this time, i would be able to cope up with it and be an out-patient. i still have my neupogen with me, though (a medication that boost white cell production).

i’m coping, yes, surviving and i want to thank my family, friends and my newly-found friends for praying for me and for encouraging me to go on and fight. it really means a lot to me and to my family.

its about time that i take care of myself. my doctor is right, chemo and leukemia should not take the best of who i am. so, hopefully, next week, i could go back to playing golf with my buddies. 🙂

today..a new day…a new beginning….a renewed hope…thank GOD!

Comments (3) »