Archive for Mayo, 2007

gloomy

i woke up with unbearable pains in my knees and thighs. i asked my mom to just put some pain reliever cream in the painful areas because i really dont want an I.V. or an oral medication anymore. but well, after 3 hours of being in pain, mommy called my doctor and i have no choice but to take my I.V.  dose of dolophine. 😦

i was able to sleep after eating a bowl of oatmeal and i still feel sleepy at this time. my nape and neck are aching. i hope its just a case of “bad sleeping position”.

i’ll have my check up  next week. i’m hoping that that there would be no re-scheduling of my last chemo session for “option a” (although i was told that such would depend on how “well” i am). my doctors will not take the risk.

i was able to walk from my bed to the window and saw the foggy makati skyline. the sky is gloomy today. just like my soul—–gloomy, sad, in pain, incomplete—longing for that one person whom i believe can really make me happy again. i was thinking of her promise. praying she’ll keep it as i would be keeping mine.

i imagine her here, standing beside me as we look at the emerging moon. the clouds are like soft balls of cottons, enveloping the pain in our hearts. i hope the stars would appear tonight…starlight, starbright—please let me make a wish tonight. it was the same wish—the same longing—the same yearning–the same person.

“….i’ll see you again, whether far or soon…but i need you to know….that i care and i miss you.”     i miss you/incubus

this longing..this pain…this sadness…only you...can take it all away.

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now we are “talking”

me: its raining….i miss you

her: crying. wish u well. i know u will. God bless

me: crying too. i can’t go on living like this. please mag-usap tayo

her: di naman po sa akin ang problema why di pa rin tayo nag-uusap at alam mo yun. and i’m sorry but im not gonna meet you halfway. kung magpapakita ka, kakausapin kita. that i can promise you

me: thank u for that promise. i’ll make sure i’ll see u bago ako pumunta sa hospital. please shave my hair

her: i will do that too

me: thank you so much. can’t wait

her: 🙂 nyt

me: nyt 🙂 God bless

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ms. universe 2007

she is riyo mori of japan, the crowned ms. universe of 2007! congratulations! nice curves 🙂

ms-japan.jpg

(photo source: http://tv.yahoo.com/miss-universe-2007/show/41744/photos/20)

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keep walking

had fun walking this morning 🙂

for someone who’s been on a wheelchair for almost a week now, it feels great to feel the “earth” under my feet again. from my bed to my comfy chair (they are just a few meters apart) it took me 20 minutes to walk from my bed to the chair and back. after that, i tried walking from my bed to the window and then back. with every step, i can feel the “twitch” on my knees, there’s a pinch of pain, but i remember my bone doctor told me, its normal, “tiisin mo lang kailangan mong ilakad”. no pain, no gain 🙂

so after a week of walking some slow baby steps, i was able to walked around my room for almost an hour. i was soaking wet with perspiration but there’s joy within me. my steps are not perfect yet, have fallen couple of times, i’ve hurt my hands, knees, arms, back—but there’s peace within. i’m really praying that i could do my “normal walking” by the end of this week.

tomorrow, i’ll have another session with my physical therapist. i want to do more “walking” too. next week, God willing, i hope i could do some jogging at greenbelt park. i’ve missed that place already and my jogging buddies as well. i remember those times when i will wake up early on saturday mornings to jog around the park then i’ll have a delicious breakfast at heaven and eggs or mcdonald’s then go to work or play golf with my buddies after. i’ve missed that routine really.

spent the rest of the day in bed. my new “vitamin” is making me drowsy and sleepy. my temp was down to 37.5, no more fever, thank God. the infection is giving up on me 🙂

watched “300” today on dvd and was moved by king leonidas’ last words,  “my queen, my wife, my love!”  i think, that’s the “bravest” thing he did in the movie (yeah, i’m a certified romantic buff)

finally, i was reading psalm 139 a while ago and found this song by adam paul williams in sonific. this is actually an adaptation of the verses. i’m putting it here with the hope that readers of my blog will feel the inspiration and hope that i felt when i heard the song.

thank you dad (for calling), mom (for taking care of me), ned (for driving, for the patience, for doing the errands), kuya, ate jo, yei, reese, godo, jay, cai, nice, rod, bret, yang, kajo, pia, shy, fran, belle, fred, chels, ada, lora, tita florence, maya, mags, mari, weng, rosselle, meldee, itoy, chuck, jayjay, koryn, david, pong, yeena, kat, sabby, dante, tito panggoy, brian, reyo, adel, marian, rupert, jon, tseng, pachot, kuya paolo, luther, edward, errol, bilog, sed, claire, bebs, randy and annie (for the sms, calls, offline messages, messages on friendster/multiply, comments, pm/ym, emails, e-cards). salamat ng marami.

and to those who are praying for me (whatever your prayer is…) thank you for remembering me.

oops..here’s the song:

[sonific 38e3d205cac881336c5b56f6cfa57af80186d3c5]

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rest in His arms

” i’m helpless, can’t exist without Your touch. You’re faithful always there when i need help. time and time i fall and You pick me up. and i rest in Your arms, i can rest in Your arms, i just rest in Your arms and i feel Your love sweep over me. refreshing gentle breeze that soothes my mind so peaceful my heart is calm close by Your side time and time i see that You’re there for me. and i rest in Your arms I can rest in your arms i just rest in Your arms and i feel Your love sweep over me. hold me close, i need the strength You can give it’s You i need the most to gently calm all my fears. and i rest in Your arms, i can rest in Your arms, i just rest in Your arms and feel Your love sweep over me.”

                            -rest in Your arms/the imperials

safe.jpg

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sentimyento

..ikaw lamang ang buhay ko..sana nama’y pakinggan mo ang puso ko na mayroong sinasabi…ikaw lamang ang tangi kong minamahal…ang lagi kong dinarasal…”

ikaw lamang/gary valenciano

ayaw makinig ng puso ko…di ko alam paanong di ka mahalin..minamahal pa rin kita.. sa kabila ng lahat…pero alam ko….kailangan kong gumalaw…kumilos…para mabawasan ang sakit.

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the need

“kailangan kita….ngayon at kailanman. kailangan mong malaman na ikaw lamang ang tunay kong minamahal at tangi kong hiling ay makapiling kang muli. kailangan kita”

                                 -kailangan kita/gary valenciano

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