only then

yesterday, my body was aching the whole day. i still have fever and i can’t stop coughing. mommy called my doctor and i was advised to take my antibiotic, “augmentin”, 4x a day.

some of my relatives came over to pray for me. i was so touched by such gesture. they brought some of my fave foods but due to diet restrictions and zero appetite, i was not able to savor most of it  😦  but the vegetable soup is really good. thanks ninang choleng 🙂

then, half of the day, my fever was at 40 and i was chilling. mommy gave me a sponge bath (alcohol and lukewarm water) then she covered me with a blanket and a comforter. i fell asleep after a few minutes.

they told me i slept for almost 4 hours and that’s a breather, really. but when i woke up, i’m soaking wet with perspiration. i had to change my shirt. mom asked ned to go through my closet and check for a white sando or shirt. when he couldn’t find a sando, he brought in a white folded shirt and mom unfold it, only to reveal this….

comldshirt.jpg

i was speechless. ned tried to bring the shirt back to the closet but i said i want to have a look at it. obviously, they don’t want me to wear it. i felt my eyes were getting heavy and no matter how hard i tried to fight it, the tears just went out.

comldshirt2.jpg

i insisted on wearing the shirt and infact, i’m still wearing it now, amidst the weary look in my relatives’ eyes.  

when was the last time i saw her on tv? i can’t remember. eversince we broke up, i told myself i’m not going to watch her until i see her in person. it was  a struggle, because i’m so used to seeing her every morning, every friday night, every saturday morning, then all of a sudden, everything went into a halt. (well, i’m not perfect, i sometimes failed to control myself).

things are not the same without her. i missed her “uyayi”, a lullaby she composed for me and i’m so used to hearing her sing it to me before we go to bed. even if we were not together, somehow that “uyayi” was able to bridge the gap. that’s not the only thing i missed about her, a lot of things, and dealing with it, was more difficult that dealing with leukemia.

i don’t want to dwell with the “what ifs” anymore and i’m too tired of the “blaming game”, i’ve blamed myself a million times already. and it’s not helping me, helping us, at all.

today, i can still feel the pain all over my body. thank God because my temp has gone down to  38. a while ago,  i had a glass of ensure and a half slice of apple. i just hope that i will be able to have a long sleep again so that i would feel a lot better.

i want to see her. i need to get well, at least, with this fever and bad chest infection. i have to see her, go to her, my plans of watching spiderman, this has to happen.

i looked at the shirt…when can i have my lovely day? i don’t even know now the meaning of a lovely day. all i know is that having her back in my life, for whatever level it may be, friendship or more than friendship or less of it, only then can i truly say that……….”araw-araw ay palaging lovely day!

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3 Tugon so far »

  1. 2

    brokenman said,

    🙂 kapuso pa rin kahit nagdurugo ang puso ko. salamat sa pagbisita ederic! ganda ng blog mo.

  2. 3

    Ngayon ko lang na gets…ex mo pala si Love (forgot her surname) ng GMA. 🙂


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