healing at my Messiah’s time

i just got home from my check-up and i’m so exhausted. adding up to the exhaustion are my credit card statements, wifi bill, water bill, electric bill and some other things that need “financial” attention. i got them all when i arrived home. and so now, i felt like retreating to the comfort of angkong’s farm and stay there forever. 

i had my blood taken for cbc then spent the rest of the morning at the stress test unit of SLMC. in order to determine my body’s response to stress, my cardiologist put me on treadmill cardiac stress testing. i got weary at first because i still find it difficult to walk but i don’t really have a choice. so i walked and walked and walked putting most of my remaining strength on the machine. after the test, my shirt was soaking wet with perspiration but i felt really good. whew!

after lunch, i met up with my psychotherapist for the regular counseling. (yes i’m a psycho he he he).  i can still remember our last session and we’ve talked about my pains and depression. before, i used to think that since i’ve already accepted my present situation, i don’t necessarily need a regular psychotherapy but my oncologist told me that these sessions will greatly help me in coping up with the disease. i’m beginning to see that now. today’s session was quite interesting because we’ve talked about my future plans and my fears.

next stop is the PET or Positron Emission Tomography Center for the results of my PET test. i can still remember that day when i had my PETs (before and after my chemo), the nurse injected into my body a substance called FDG, a sugar-based chemical, and i thought i was going to vomit and explode (silly thought he he he). my body was then scanned with a high resolution devise to determine the metabolism as well as the presence of diseases on the different internal organs and tissues of my body. i had my usual apprehensions when my oncologist told me about the PET but i was assured that the test is non-invasive and that the total radiation is really very small. my last PET was actually to determine whether the cancer was transmitted or it has metastasized to other parts of my body.

my last stop was at the oncologist’s clinic. for the nth time, i was again reminded that my leukemia (AML) is potentially curable but then only a small percentage of AML patients are cured with current therapies. since i’m done with the initial induction therapy or chemotherapy, aimed at inducing remission, i was told to be positive and “obedient” so that remission can come. remission would mean i’m ready to move on to the next phase of my treatment which is consolidation therapy. the goal of this phase is to eliminate any residual undetectable disease and achieve a cure. in a sense, i’m looking at this treatment cycle: induction, then consolidation and finally, maintenance therapy.

of course, my oncologist pointed out that complete remission does not mean that the disease has been cured but rather it means no disease can be detected with the available diagnostic methods. and most importantly, i was advised that remission will miserably fail without consolidation therapy. what will happen if i don’t get a remission? the next step is stem cell transplant and aggressive chemotherapy.

so, how am i taking all these? i’m hurting, i’m feeling down, but i still believe that He is in control and that there are blessings “hidden” within these tribulations. i do cry a lot especially at night but i’ve accepted that this is His will in my life and that He won’t give me something that i can’t bear. i also know that He understands me, that i’m only human, and times like this will come. i’m hurting, crying, fighting, coping but trusting Him.

right now, my soul is tired and weary but i know my Messiah is here with me and He will heal me….in His time! Thy will be done Lord! Thy will be done!

11 Tugon so far »

  1. 1

    hold on tight. HE is hugging you.Get well soon.

  2. 2

    claire said,

    amen to that! i know He will heal you. keep the faith. take care lex. God bless.

  3. 3

    lou said,

    lex, my imeem friend…

    you are not alone in your ordeal, with all the trials coming in our lives…you’re such an inspiration…wag kang susuko kaibigan..MAY BUKAS PA!

    pagaling ka agad…
    lou/ NY Navigator

  4. 4

    meldee said,

    keep on fighting w/ the Lord!

  5. 5

    sed said,

    God will never leave you nor forsake you. just keep the faith. we, your cousins, will always be here for you. God bless.

  6. 6

    nina said,

    God bless you kuya. i love you. you are a good person and i know hindi ka pababayaan ni God. agree ako kay Sed, we are here for you. sana hindi ka na madalas umiyak ha. i miss you kuya.

  7. 7

    bryan said,

    kaya yan cousin. kaya mo yan. praying for you.

  8. 8

    pia said,

    tsi, just keep holding on to Him. God bless you. i’m always here for you.

  9. 9

    brokenman said,

    @ thank you sa inyong lahat. God bless. Please continue praying for me.

  10. 10

    Melanie Stefine said,

    This is an important message for you. Please read and pass it along. I have a message to tell you about Revelation. The message is from God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost respectively sent in the
    Spring of 2006. It is about the meaning of First is Last and Last is First . The message is this:
    In the morning I go to Heaven. In the afternoon I live my life. In the evening I die,
    What does this mean? In other words this means Birth is Last and Last is Birth. To
    understand this don’t think from point A to point B. Think of this as a continuous circle of life.
    Birth, Life, Death, Birth. God also said that Judgment will be before Birth in Heaven. AS birth on Earth is painful so will birth in Heaven. It is possible that this message was delivered by one of God’s Angels. Yes, God has recently made contact and he sent a messenger. Spread this message along, just like a chain letter. OH, one more thing of interest. Did you know that Mike Douglas Died on his Birthday? Melanie Stefine

  11. 11

    Melanie Stefine said,

    Hi Brokenman, You asked for God, he came with a mesage for you. Don’t be afraid. We all have challenges put in our paths. I hope that you recover from yours. Melanie Stefine 😉

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