Archive for Agosto, 2007

the same wish

i was looking at the sky last night hoping it could somehow calm my weary soul but the sky, just like my heart, was gloomy with some dark clouds. 

and then i think i saw a star twinkled and i made a wish……..

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star light, star bright, first star i see tonight

wish i may, wish i might,

please grant my wish tonight

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same wish

same person

same thing

but hopefully, not the same pain

 

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special two no more (?)

I’ve hardly been outside my room in days,
’cause I don’t feel that I deserve the sunshine’s rays.
The darkness helped until the whiskey wore away,
And it was then I realize the conscience never fades.
When you’re young you have this image of your life:
That you’ll be scrupulous and one day even make a wife.
And you make boundaries you’d never dream to cross,
And if you happen to you wake completely lost.
But I will fight for you, be sure that
I will fight until we’re the special two once again.

And we will only need each other, we’ll bleed together,
Our hands will not be taught to hold another’s,
When we’re the special two.
And we could only see each other, we’ll bleed together,
These arms will not be taught to need another,
‘Cause we were the special two.

I remember someone old once said to me:
“That lies will lock you up with truth the only key.”
But I was comfortable and warm inside my shell,
And couldn’t see this place would soon become my hell.
So is it better to tell and hurt or lie to save their face?
Well I guess the answer is don’t do it in the first place.
I know I’m not deserving of your trust from you right now,
But if by chance you change your mind you know I will not let you down
’cause we were the special two, and we’ll be again.

And we will only need each other, we’ll bleed together,
Our hands will not be taught to hold another’s,
When we’re the special two.
And we can only see each other we’ll breathe together,
These arms will not be taught to need another…
’cause we’re the special two.

I step outside my mind’s eye’s for a minute.
And I look over me like a doctor looking for disease,
Or something that could ease the pain.
But nothing cures the hurt you, you bring on by yourself,
Just remembering, just remembering how we were…

When we would only need each other, we’d bleed together,
Our hands would not be taught to hold another’s,
We were the special two.
And we could only see each other, we’d bleed together,
These arms would not be taught to need another,
‘Cause we’re the special two.

the special two/missy higgins

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just can’t

Here I am playing with those memories again
And just when I thought time had set me free
Those thoughts of you keep haunting me

Holding you, a feeling I never outgrew
Though each and every part of me has tried
Only you can fill that space inside

So there’s no sense pretending
My heart it’s not mending 

Just when I thought I was over you
And just when I thought I could stand on my own
Oh, baby those memories come crashing through
And I just can’t go on without you

On my own I’ve tried to make the best of it alone
I’ve done everything I can to ease the pain
But only you can stop the rain

I just can’t live without you
I miss everything about you 

Just when I thought I was over you
And just when I thought I could stand on my own
Oh baby those memories come crashing through
And I just can’t go on without
Go on without
It’s just no good without you

Without you, without you, without you
Oh baby, those memories come crashing through
And I just can’t go on without, you

                        here i am/air supply
  
 

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burp equation

muffin.jpg

muffins from kenny rogers  +

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 fruit salad  =

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happy man 🙂

great lunch!

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just say it

I’m holdin’ on
To your pictures on my telephone
And I know that I should let you go
But it’s hard to break away

I ask around
And I wonder what your doin’ now
But I hear that you’ve been goin’ out
A little more these days

But I can’t lie that I think from time to time, how your doin’
But don’t hang up is what I really meant to say

Everything’s wrong
And nothing’s goin’ right
Just know that i’m not hard to find

So just say the word
And i’ll race to you tonight                                                                                                                   
And i’ll be right there by your side

Holdin’ on…

Remember when
You were further then you’d ever been
And I think about it now and then
It takes me to that place

When I pretend
That i’m better then i’ve ever been
Well at least that what I tell my friends
“Cause I can’t show my face

I can’t lie that I think from time to time, how you were
But don’t hang up, ’cause what i really meant to say…

Everythings wrong
And nothing’s goin’ right
Just know that i’m not hard to find
So just say the word and i’ll race to you tonight
And i’ll be right there by your side

It’s hard enough to believe in somethin’
More than just pretend
Just because we both know it’s over
We can still be friends

Yeah…

Everythings wrong
And nothing’s goin’ right
Just know that i’m not hard to find

So just say the word
And i’ll race to you tonight
And i’ll be right there by your side

I’ll be right there by your side
Oh, i’d be right there by your side…..

                             just say the word/josh kelley

just say it…i’ll come running

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birthday blues

Woke up with body spasms. I can’t move my knees and my back was like glued to my bed. The pain was all over me. So, i took a pain reliever and waited for comfort but after a few minutes i found myself crawling straight to the lavatory. I was throwing up. i stayed in my bathroom for i think 30 minutes feeling so stupid. What a way to start my morning!

I then sat on my lazy couch, in the middle of my messy room, feeling so awful about everything. I’m alone again. I want to cry but I’ve been crying for 2 days straight now and for the first time I felt that I’m getting tired of it. I need to pack my wet tissues for now.

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Next Saturday is my “30plus” birthday and I still don’t know how to spend it. A few weeks ago, I’ve actually asked someone for dinner and she said yes, but just recently she shut her world on me, telling me she doesn’t want to see me nor talk to me anymore, so obviously, that date is off.  Well, my Mom told me that she would prefer that I celebrate it with our relatives this Sunday in Bulacan so at least that plan is still on. Another option is the EB of the WordPress Pinoy Bloggers but there’s no definite plan on that yet (or maybe I just need to check my emails, there may be updates already), was also contemplating on a simple dinner with my mom, sisters, my kids and some close friends somewhere in Greenbelt, or maybe spend it with my kids at Timezone. I was actually thinking of something “big” for myself on this birthday because with my condition, we’ll never know, it might be my last 😦

I wonder why my body will automatically feel “depress and gloomy” everytime it approaches my birthday week. A birthday is suppose to be a happy day, something that you have to look forward to, and I remember when I was a kid, I will get excited for months thinking of the gifts that I would be receiving from my parents and relatives. But as I grow older, I feel that I am more depressed than happy whenever my birthday approaches.

Birthday wish? Nothing material. I’m really contented with what I have right now. I just want to be “really happy” on my birthday—no trace of pain, no feeling of incompleteness, a sense of belonging, a sincere smile on my face, peace of mind, remission 🙂

Another year will be added in this so-called life of mine and I just feel so blessed that after all that I’ve been through, I’m still here, standing, living, breathing and was never out of His mercy and grace. Often times, I feel so unworthy of this great blessing because I know that I’ve never really lived my life the way pleasing to Him but nevertheless, He’s always there for me—-picking me up whenever I’m down, giving me a sense of direction everytime I lost my way and loving me more even when i have become so unlovable. I know I won’t be able to survive all my battles if not for His unconditional love for me. 

I’ll be going to Tagaytay later with some close friends and I’m hoping that the trip could somehow shake off these “birthday blues” for a while. I just want to breathe, need some fresh air, need to find myself again. I’ve been enslaved in a phase where I now believe I don’t belong. Mags, my bestfriend, is right, I should learn to love myself more.

I’m positive that things will become better soon. There may be more pains along the way but I know that He’s holding me in His arms and He will never leave me.  Just like that song of Barry Manilow that says “…..as sure as I’m standing here you’ll never have to be afraid”…I know He’s there and I just need to be still and wait on Him.

Have a great loooong weekend folks!!!! 🙂 

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the reward in waiting

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But those who wait on the LORD will find their strength renewed;

They will rise on wings like eagles;

They will run and not get weary;

They will walk and not faint

Isaiah 40:31

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