Archive for Setyembre, 2007

menu for today

i got my new “2-week meal plan” yesterday and i’m really not happy with it. i actually made a “slight” protest but i realized that you couldn’t just argue with a dietitian and an oncologist. oh well, bon appetit! (and goodluck to me as well)

breakfast for today was a bowl of kashi organic breakfast cereal (crispy rice, wheat flakes, dried strawberries and raspberries) w/nestle fresh milk and a slice of papaya. lunch was even more “appetizing” as i had a glass of ensure and a banana. 

foodnilex.jpg

dinner will be a bowl of oatmeal (unsalted/unsweetened), a glass of sugar beets juice, a grapefruit and a small size pear.

dinner.jpg

i know, i know, these are all “healthy stuffs” and i’m not questioning that. i just felt bad because it seems like the timing was not right.  In my previous meal plan, which was for 1 month, i was allowed to have small servings of fish, chicken, beef and rice. I’m actually enjoying it and i feel like i’m a “normal” guy again. But well, with the new meal plan, the “carnivore” in me has to take the backseat for the meantime.

I was talking to a friend a while ago and I told him my dilemma. And he suggested that I just “eat with my mind”.  “Dude, pag kakainin mo na yung gulay o di mo type yung prutas, isipin mo na lang fried chicken o bulalo yun. Sarap di ba?” 

Hmmm….makes sense to me 🙂

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a little more time

woke up with a “strange cold feeling” all over me and it took a while before i realized that i was lying in the cold floor of my bathroom, with wet boxers, a shirt soiled with dry blood and with aching joints. i passed out again. my nose bled again. and the frequencies of these episodes are quite alarming.

i crawled back to my bed, unable to think of what to do. should i call my mom? not a good idea, i’ll just make her worry more. or call my doctor? its too early to disturb him. i tried going back to sleep but i simply can’t. then i saw my Bible on top of the side table. how stupid of me to have forgotten Him. i know i can call on Him anytime and He’ll be there to listen, to comfort me and to answer me. so there, i closed my eyes and prayed.

Lord,  I’m sorry for not calling on you immediately. I forgot. And i feel so unworthy. After all that You’ve done for me, how can i be so careless and so mistrusting. Lord, when the doctor told me that remission will or may not come at the time we are expecting it and that we need to repeat the treatment, i know You’ve read my mind and You’ve felt the sadness in my heart. You know the endless questions within me, the sadness, the grief, the pain and the agony. i know i’ve told You before that i will accept Your will in my life, because this life is Yours and You know what’s the best for me. but i guess, those words are easier said than done. You know my heart Lord, i still trust you and i still believe that You are in control but sometimes this feeling of not wanting to accept will come to me and the questions in my mind just wouldn’t stop coming. as the dates for my “extensive” chemotherapy are getting nearer, Lord, i want to tell you that i’m scared, i couldn’t stop thinking of what will happen to me during those times. what will happen if i still didn’t get the remission. will i consent to another treatment like bone marrow transplant or mylotarg? can i still handle it? i know You will be there for me just like what You did during my induction chemo but Lord, please teach me to trust you more and not be afraid. i’m tired of being afraid, tired of being in pain, tired of crying. Lord, i feel that i’m getting weaker and weaker every day and i know hiding the real thing from people that matters to me, thinking that i would be able to protect them from pain, was so wrong. i know its a stupid thing, but i feel that they’ve worried about me too much that i’m more like a burden than a blessing to them. everytime i feel the pain, the weakness in my body, everytime i see the blood coming out of my nostrils, everytime i think of my family, my young kids and the people that matters a lot to me, i can’t help but feel bad for my inadequacies. there’s so much that i want to do for them, but i feel like time is against me. i remember that moment when my nose bled and everything went blurred, i called on You, and asked you to please not take me yet and You’ve heard me and answered me affirmatively. would it be too much to ask for more time again, Lord?  just a little more time please?

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my desktop

kengkay tagged me. so here goes……..

My Desktop Free View Instruction:

A. Upon receiving this tag, immediately perform a screen capture of your desktop. It is best that no icons be deleted before the screen capture so as to add to the element of fun.

You can do a screen capture by:

[1] Going to your desktop and pressing the Print Scrn key (located on the right side of the F12 key).

[2] Open a graphics program (like Picture Manager, Paint, or Photoshop) and do a Paste (CTRL + V).

[3] If you wish, you can “edit” the image, before saving it.

For MAC users: Press [ Apple] [ Ctrl ] [ Shift ] and [ 3 ]

B. Post the picture in your blog. You can also give a short explanation on the look of your desktop just below it if you want. You can explain why you preferred such look or why is it full of icons. Things like that.

C. Tag five of your friends and ask them to give you a Free View of their desktop as well.

D. Add your name to this list of Free Viewers with a link pointing directly to your Desktop Free View post to promote it to succeeding participants.

iRonnie

bluepanjeet

pao

AZRAEL

jeangr3y

kengkay

brokenman

 so this is how my desktop looks like:   

-i normally change my desktop image twice a month

– my favorite color is green

-i hide my icons/shortcuts ‘coz i want the desktop to look “clean”

-there’s something about this picture of bamboos that relaxes my weary spirit 🙂

-i got this photo from the windows vista wallpaper collection

tagging anyone who wants to be tagged 🙂

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candy thought v.2

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current state of mind

tsan tsah. yow chow. towh pin. swee rwoh.

God, woh shwee yaw ni teh pang mang. yaw ni teh pang mang.

woh hen siang nian mi. ban kiyah.

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salamat po

for a “neophyte” blogger like me this really means a LOT!!!

blog-stat07.jpg

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gusto

Parang bitin pa rin kahit anong gawin
Hindi pa rin makuntento hindi pa rin
Hinahanap-hanap ka hanggang ngayon sinta
Hindi pa rin masanay-sanay sa pag-iisa

Gusto kong marinig ang boses mo
Gusto kong halikan ang labi mo
Gusto kitang yakapin hanggang umaga
Gusto kong marinig ang buhay mo
Gusto kong halikan ang puso mo
Gusto kitang kasama hanggang may umaga

Tanong mo sa akin ano pa bang aking gusto?
Ano pa bang di nakukuha ano pa ba?
Sagot ko naman sayo wala na nga akong gusto
Kundi paulit-ulit ulit na ganito

Gusto kong marinig ang boses mo
Gusto kong halikan ang labi mo
Gusto kitang yakapin hanggang umaga
Gusto kong marinig ang buhay mo
Gusto kong halikan ang puso mo
Gusto kitang kasama hanggang may umaga

                         gusto/jolina magdangal

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tagged again…

………and this time it was badoodles. so, here goes the 8 crazy things about me:

1. if i get obsessed with a song i will listen to it over and over and over again until i get tired of it. i remember one rainy sunday night, i drove from sta maria bulacan to makati city with just one song playing in my car stereo, the song is called “that somebody was you” by toni braxton and kenny g

2. i still suck my thumb when i find it hard to sleep (parang katulad ng pic below he he he)

thumbsuck.jpg

3. i do “color coding” of my stuffs (shirt, barong tagalog, long sleeves, under shirt, etc) in my closet (magkakasama yung pareho ang kulay sa isang corner or drawer)

4. i love eating green apples with hot and spicy bagoong (yum yum yum)

5. i tend to make some funny face gestures when “strangers” stare at me

6.  i have this fear over geese/goose (a goose bit me on my butt when i was a kid)

7. i use “st ives hair conditioner” for my goatee

8. i use a “hair blower” to dry my feet after shower

tagging anyone who wants to be tagged

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Hate Blog

Jovi, my hottie WPP “lab team” (he he he), tagged me and i wouldn’t want to disappoint her so here goes………

the things that i hate or least like:

FOOD: anything with “gata” (so bicol dishes are definitely out of my menu, too bad)

FRUITS: chesa (taste weird, looks unappetizing too) and marang (delicious but whenever i look at it, i can’t help but imagine myself eating a human brain)

VEGGIES: ampalaya and okra

PEOPLE: conceited, judgmental, back biter

EVENT/SITUATION/INCIDENT: when i’m stuck in traffic, when there’s too many mosquitoes, when i want to pee and couldn’t find a decent place to pee, when i still want to talk to “her” but i need to sleep

TV SHOW/MOVIES: not really a tv person…well…..tom and jerry and wowowee; movie? all tagalog action movies (opps)

MUSIC: rap and heavy metal

HOUSEHOLD CHORES: almost all (he he he i’m a lazy man!)

THINGS AROUND THE WORLD: corruption, injustice, poverty, war

THINGS ABOUT MYSELF: leukemia made me feel insecure; i tend to dwell on the negative side of things most of the time; too trusting; too nice at times (and i end up being misinterpreted)

so there…….i’m tagging whoever wants to be tagged.

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quote 103

” Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that’s all. You can’t see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it. Life has to end but love doesn’t.”

-Marguerite; The Five People You Meet in Heaven; page 173

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birthday babes

happy birthday lian and etzhel. thanks for the friendship. God bless both of you.

 

            

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what matters most

It’s not how long we held each other’s hand
What matters is how well we loved each other
It’s not how far we travelled on our way
Of what we found to say
It’s not the spring you see, but all the shades of green

It’s not how long I held you in my arms
What matters is how sweet the years together
It’s not how many summertimes we had to give to fall
The early morning smiles we tearfully recall
What matters most is that we loved at all.

It’s not how many summertimes we had to give to fall
The early morning smiles we tearfully recall
What matters most is that we loved at all.

What matters most is that we loved at all.                              

                                     what matters most/kenny rankin

i still don’t know how to unlove you, but then i realize that you don’t have to unlove a person just because she can’t love you back. love is something that you give freely, it is unconditional, uncompromising and you give it without expecting anything in return. loving you has taught me these things. loving you helps me breathe. have i told you, i will die loving you?  

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song of the day

with ton 326 on keyboard

tara na, kanta tayo!

I did my best
But I guess my best wasn’t good enough
‘Cause here we are back where we were before
Seems nothing ever changes
We’re back to being strangers
Wondering if we oughta stay
Or head on out the door
Just once can’t we figure out what we keep doing wrong?
Why we never last for very long
What are we doing wrong?
Just once can’t we find a way to finally make it right?
Make the magic last for more than just one night
If we could just get to it
I know we could break through it
I gave my all
But I think my all may have been too much
‘Cause Lord knows we’re not getting anywhere
Seems we’re always blowing whatever we’ve got going
And seems at times with all we’ve got
We haven’t got a prayer

Just once can’t we figure out what we keep doing wrong?
Why the good times never last for very long
What are we doing wrong?
Just once can’t we find a way to finally make it right?
And make the magic last for more than just one night
If we could just get to it
I know we could break through it

Just once I want to understand
Why it always comes back to good-bye
Why can’t we get ourselves in hand?
And admit to one another
That we’re no good without each other
Take the best and make it better
Find a way to stay together

Just once can’t we find a way to finally make it right?
Make the magic last for more than just one night
I know we could break through it
If we could just get to it

Just once

If we could get to it

Just Once…

             just once/james ingram

wish i could sing this to her…wish i could just be near her…..wish we could at least talk……wish we could find a way to make things right again 😦

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30+

what does my birthdate mean? (according to www.blogthings.com)

birthdate.jpg

just want to share some pictures from my “30++”  birthday bash. the slideshow was made by my friend vincent. (thanks enteng!). just want to say thank you sa lahat ng nakaalala sa birthday ko. God bless all of you!

p.s……i’m still accepting gifts he he he he 🙂

[rockyou id=82782238&w=426&h=319]                                 

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crazy over sophie

just saw her movie called “la fidelite (fidelity)” on dvd. she’s so beautiful! libido’s rising 🙂

 real name: sophie maupu

 screen name: sophie marceau

 birthday: november 17, 1966

 birthplace: paris, france

 height: 1.73 m

 filmography:

2000: Belphegor

2000: La Fidelite

1999: The World is Not Enough

 1999: A Midsummer Night’s Dream

 1998: Lost and Found

 1997: Firelight

 1997: Marquise

 1997: Anna Karenina

 1995: Beyond the Clouds

 1995: Braveheart

 1994: La Fille d’ Artagnan

 1993: Fanfan

 1991: La Note Bleu

 1991: Pour Sacha

 1990: Pacific Palisades

 1989: Mes Nuits sont plus belles que vos jours

 1988: Le Etudiante

 1988: Chouans

 1986: Descentes aux enfers

 1985: Police

 1985: L’amour braques

 1984: Joyeuses Paques

 1984: Fort Saganne

 1982: La Boum 2

 1980: La Boum

une des plus jolies femmes j’ai jamais

etendu mes yeux sur

simplement au dela

de la description

sophie fine tellement fou!

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