Archive for Oktubre, 2007

the journey is about to begin

Oh Lord You’ve searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me

Your Holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There’s no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now

 You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
I know You love me

You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done

And when the earth fades
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me
I know You love me
I know You love me   

                                            at the cross/hillsong

i’m counting the hours….the ticking of the clock…..and when the right time comes, i’ll be fixing myself…..to start a new adventure….i’m going back to treatment…a crucial phase in my journey with leukemia…..i’m scared….but i’m praying and trusting Him…..with the hope that when this phase is through…..i’ll come out alive…

i’m so overwhelmed with the support and love that i’ve been getting not only from my family and friends but also from people that i hardly knew or those that i’ve just met online…thank you for the prayers that were offered and for the prayers that will be offered for me……for the financial and moral support that i’ve been getting….for the encouraging words…for the spiritual boost…..

i know this treatment will make or break me…..but wherever this journey will lead me…rest assured that i’ll give it a good fight……my life is in His hands….and i know He will be there for me every step of the way.

a guest blogger will try to update this blog especially the blood chart. please continue to pray for me. God bless all of you.

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a special gift

what’s inside the bag?

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books, card and 3 boxes of caramel bar 🙂

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max’s caramel bar is a favorite. before, i could eat the content of a box (18 pieces) in one sitting. well, right now, i have to cut down on my sugar intake so, i’m only allowed to eat 1 piece a day and i have to wash it up immediately with at least 2 glasses of water.  tsk tsk tsk 😦

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food for the soul (Fill Your Life With Miracles by Bo Sanchez and Footprints for Men)

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a card, a mobile phone chain (?)

etz, thank you for your concern, for your love, for the prayers and for the special friendship that we share. i will always remember you. yes, i’m still saving that dream 🙂 you take care. God bless.

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birthday babe

hottie birthday to you…hottie birthday to you..hottie birthday.. hottie birthday… hottie birthday to you

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happy birthday to my wp labteam, jovi. more birthdays to come. thanks for the friendship. God bless. Stay hot (oppps…..  ; )

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tonight

and so it happened…

unexpected

unbelievable

twist of fate

turn of events

felt that kind of happiness that i never thought i would feel again

tonight

i will be smiling in my bed

tonight

i am happy

tonight

was a special night

tonight

won’t be my last night

tonight

was a blessing

and the “you” tonight  

was a blessing

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remembering gwah mah

yesterday was the 10th year death anniversary of my gwah mah (the mother of my mom). i remember her as someone who loves to cuddle her grandchildren, cooks delicious cua pao, puto and rice cakes, has a liberal view on family traditions and has an infectious “descending-ascending” kind of laughter.

woh hen siang nian mi gwah mah

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counting the days

five more days and i’m back to “treatment mode”.

how do i feel about it? let me count the ways:

  • sad, because of so many failed expectations

  • weary, because i’m going back to the hospital, contraptions will be attached to my frail body, i will be trapped in the hospital bed, and the worst part is undergoing 6 cycles of chemo all over again

  • anxious, because of the so many negative thoughts in my mind (its not easy to shake them off)

  • thankful, because God is giving me another chance; because i know He will provide my financial, emotional and material needs during the treatment

  • trusting, because i know He will never leave me nor forsake me and even if it is so difficult to say “thy will be done” i trust that He knows what’s best for me and that He will be with me every step of the way

  • hopeful, because someone told me she’ll visit me at the hospital  🙂

  • happy, because every day i see and feel His great love for me

  • scared, because i already knew how it feels like being “treated”

i still have fever and this has been going on for 3 days now. for a “leukemic” a recurring fever would only mean infection. my doctor ordered my “private nurse” to increase the dosage of  antibiotics (flagyl and cefepine) and to get blood from me twice.

my knees are aching now and i feel very tired. my appetite is still down and i don’t know if its because of the meal plan or anxiety. i just had 2 glasses of ensure this day (one for breakfast and one for lunch; just had a banana and a glass of water for dinner).

i might undergo radiation i was told and that thought is scaring the shit out of me.  😦

“Lord, help me to trust you more, help me to be ready for all these. My life is in Your hands. I may not be able to understand Your plans for me at the moment, but i know that what You want is for me to trust You completely. I am here Lord, do Your will on me”.

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i got mail (v.2)

i got my mails today and was suprised to find one from text link ads.

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when i opened the envelope i found a check worth US$25. i was puzzled at first, then i remembered putting a text link ad to my blog a few months ago. according to the invoice, the money represents the August affiliate payment. wow!

too bad, i’ve already removed that link a month ago. stupid me. i tried putting it back today but i can’t seem to get it work. 😦

so this “moneytize your blog” stuff is indeed true. what about google ad-sense?

i’ll ask someone to deposit the check to my dollar account tomorrow. i hope it won’t turn out to be some kind of hoax. but come to think of it i’ve earned US$25 by just putting this button on my blog’s sidebar:

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thanks to those who were curious enough to click the link. cool! 🙂

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