Archive for Enero, 2008

just a quick update

Yesterday:

  • i had another round of chemo.
  • high dose ara-c was pumped into my body for two hours and the clear liquid felt like hell ūüė¶¬†
  • ara-c is actually an anti-metabolites which is similar to normal body molecules. they stop the cells from making cancer cells and repairs DNA
  • as expected, i was exhausted, thirsty, was throwing up¬†and irritated after the session
  • i got hives (sore, red spots on my neck, feet and arms)
  • i have 2¬†big¬†mouth sores and it is so hard to¬†drink water even with a straw. ang sakit!¬†damn!

the-head.jpg

Today:

  • i was throwing up the whole morning.
  • early afternoon: my blood count dropped and was given platelets.
  • middle of the transfusion: i had an allergic reaction so they gave me 100 mg of benadryl
  • at this moment: i feel so tired and grouchy
  • praying that the Lord restores the spirit of submission, patience and hope within me
  • saw the assessment of my medical bill and felt sad about it (we need to pay at least half of it within the week)
  • i want to sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep and sleep

platelets.jpg

Tomorrow:

  • another round of chemo—- a date with ara-c
  • anticipating a good result¬†from my cardiologist, re:¬†2D echo

Please keep those prayers coming.

Advertisements

Comments (23) »

i found my perfect match

…….for bone marrow transplant! wink!

my younger siblings, godfrey and reese, were both tested positive for bone marrow matching and were considered “well matched”. this great news was relayed to me yesterday. based on the results of their tests, the doctors compared the characteristics of their stem cells to my stem cells and found out that¬†the protein content are similar. thank God!

i know i still have a long way to go as i¬†need to¬†have “complete remission” from my “repeated” chemo therapy first before the allogeneic stem cell transplant. but nevertheless, the reality that i now have genetically perfect matches has raise the positive feeling that my body will definitely accept the donated stem cells.

i had my chemo yesterday, the last for daunarubicin. i still have four more days for ara-c and then i’ll have another bone marrow biopsy. i¬†feel a little low today because i’m having¬† hypercalcemia or high calcium level, which they say is a typical complication from chemotherapy. the nurses¬†are now giving me¬†calcitonin every six to eight hours to lower the calcium level.¬†

i was talking to the oncologist a while ago re: stem cell transplant and he told me that it is not really recommended for all AML patients because of the high risk in complications and in some cases there are no clear benefits. in my case, he said it seems to be appropriate because i failed to achieve a remission following my initial induction therapy.

i had another session with my psychotherapist this afternoon¬†and it was an hour of expressing my emotions using crayons and colored pencils. i was slumped on the floor doing some drawings of the sun, moon, stars, skies, rainbows, clouds and rain. i felt like a kid again ūüôā

oh well, i’m kinda sleepy now so i’ll be taking a nap after posting this entry.

again, i want to say thank you to those who are still offering/whispering prayers for me, those who sent e-cards, encouraging sms, giving me financial and spiritual support—–words are not enough to express my appreciation, i’m overwhelmed.

thank you Lord for Your love and for being true to Your words….i’m pressing on with the journey and i’m trusting You more each day…….continue to do Your will in me.

Comments (21) »

that’s my goal

You know where I’ve come from,
You know my story,
You know why I’m standing here…
Tonight,
Please don’t go,
Don’t be in a hurry,
I’m here to make it clear,
Make it right,

Well I know I’ve acted foolish,
But I promise you no more,
I’ve finally found that something
Worth reaching for,

I’m not here to say I’m sorry,
I’m not here to lie to you,
I’m here to say I’m ready,
That I’ve finally thought it through,
I’m not here to let you’re love go,
I’m not giving up oh no,
I’m here to win your heart and soul,
That’s my goal.

Please don’t go,
You know that I need you,
I can’t breathe without you,
Live without you,
Be without you,
Well I know I’ve acted foolish,
But I promise you no more, no more

I’m not here to say I’m sorry,
I’m not here to lie to you,
I’m here to say I’m ready,
That I’ve finally thought it through,
I’m not here to let you’re love go,
I’m not giving up oh no,
I’m here to win your heart and soul,
That’s my goal.

Well I won’t stop believing,
That we will be living together,
So when I say I love you,
I mean it forever and ever,
ever and ever….

I’m not here to say I’m sorry,
I’m not here to say I’m sorry,
I’m not here to lie to you,
I’m here to say I’m ready,
That I’ve finally thought it through,
I’m not here to let you’re love go,
I’m not giving up oh no,
I’m here to win your heart and soul,
Yes I’m here to win your heart and soul,
That’s my goal.

¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† that’s my goal/shayne ward

Comments (10) »

my choice

yesterday……. i had my contrasted CT scan in the morning (to¬†determine if i have secondary infection causing the recent fever spikes), another round of chemo during the night, was throwing up, had difficulty sleeping¬†and drank almost two liters of water. whew!

and today…….i woke up feeling some aches and pains in my lower back and i¬†threw up twice already. but i definitely feel a lot better¬†and¬†I’m looking forward to an hour session with my psychotherapist. i’ll also have my ECG later and the usual drawing of blood.

the past few days…..my spirit is actually¬†down and weary.¬†i feel very tired. this continued treatment is starting to drain my positive energy. and oftentimes i feel like i’m just going with the flow without that much conviction. yes, ¬†i’m still praying and holding on to my faith but my being human is taking its¬†toll on me.

a while ago i was scanning/reading some passages from the Bible and this verse caught my attention:

“I am now giving you the choice between life and death, between God’s blessings and God’s curse and I call heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Choose Life”

                                                            Deuteronomy 30:19

wow! what a perfect verse for me. all of sudden i felt like a comforting¬†hand has touched my head–giving me enough boost to go on with my treatment.

so here i am with my choice: i choose life. i choose to fight. i choose to go on with this journey. i choose to be a betterman.

Comments (17) »

get ready

turn¬†down the lights, baby turn off the telephone. now its time to forget the day you’ve been through. you don’t say much but now we’re here alone. there’s just one thing left to do oh woman

you better get ready to give love tonight. lay back, relax and let me do it right. lady, get ready to give love tonight. just leave the rest up to me.

listen. don’t say a word, baby, i’ve got this evening planned.¬† i’m here for you, body and soul. just put yourself completely in my hands. ‘coz your pleasure is my goal. oh uh oh woman

you better get ready (get yourself ready) to give love tonight. lay back, relax and let me do it right. baby get ready to give love tonight. just leave the rest up to me.

baby better keep the fantasies again. i’m gonna dedicate myself to making each one come true. girl, you’ve given me so many nights i’ll never forget. i want you to have this one just for you. wohoo

oh you better get ready. i’m gonna love you. lay back relax and¬†i’m gonna¬†do it right. darlin’, darlin’ baby won’t just go easy to me. i’m gonna love you. i’m gonna hold you. i’m gonna do you right.

you better get ready to give love tonight. lay back, relax and let me do it right. lady, get ready to give love tonight. just leave the rest up to me.

                                                             get ready/james ingram

hey! i’m scaring you…he he he

Comments (5) »

next level: consolidation therapy

and so my treatment continues………¬†

since i’m now done with induction therapy and got partial remission from it, i’m moving on to the next level which is the¬†consolidation therapy. this¬†phase is designed to further diminish the number of cancer cells and achieve complete remission.

my treatment plan is called three-plus-seven method. i was told that this is the most common drug treatment plan for AML. this would mean i will be treated with a combination of anthracycline (which in my case is daunarubicin) for 3 days and 7 days of ara-c.

so, two days ago i had my first round of chemo. daunarubicin was administered manually¬†every 5-10 minutes. i was told that this¬†was the standard procedure as to ensure that the drug doesn’t enter my bloodstream that quick. after almost two hours, they then hooked me to a bag of ara-c. i was a real mess after—was throwing up, grouchy and depressed.

yesterday, my numbers picked up. (ANC: 200; WBC: 1.0; HGB: 9.3 and platelets: 206) but there’s still a leukemia blast in my blood: about 5%. i had chest pains in the middle of the day and there were little aches and pains in my lower back and in my legs. it sure made sleeping very difficult that i had to ask for adavan so i could get some rest. i also got my anti-nausea pill, my all-time favorite, the yellow candy-like drug called zofran.

today, i woke up feeling very lazy and my spirit was down. how i wish i could convince myself that everything miserable will stop dead if¬†i just don’t talk about it. (of course it won’t work that way). i had¬†body pains and was throwing up. suddenly¬†i felt like i was a little scrap of humanity lying in bed, sick and wet. damn!

some relatives visited me and prayed with me so i felt a lot better now. i’m looking forward to my chemo later. i hope my numbers will continue to pick up and then eventually i get complete remission at the end of the treatment. i’m keeping my hopes high.

“……though i walk in the midst of trouble; You preserve my life; You stretch out Your hand against the anger of my foes; with Your right hand You save me”…..Psalm 138:7

thank you my Lord and Savior for Your great love. i am in awe of You. i’m also sending my warm hugs to those who are continuously praying for me. words are not enough to express my gratitude. God bless all of you.

still a long way to go……..but i’m giving it a good fight……..the journey from brokenman to betterman continues!

Comments (24) »

you first believed

How many times did I pray you’d find me…
How many wishes on a star,
Gazing off into the dark
Dreaming I’d see your face
Safe at home unafraid,
Captured in your embrace.

So many times when my heart was broken,
Visions of you would keep me strong.
You were with me all along,
Guiding my every step.
You are all that I am
And I’ll never forget.

It was you, who first believed
In all that I was made to be.
It was you, looking in my eyes.
You held my hand and showed me life.
And I’ve never been the same,
Since you first believed.

There were times when I thought I’d lost you,
Fearing forever was a dream.
But it wasn’t what it seemed,
Placing your hand in mine,
You could see in the dark,
You were guiding my heart.

It was you, who first believed
In all that I was made to be.
It was you, looking in my eyes.
You held my hand and showed me life.
And I’ve never been the same,
Since you first believed.

It was you, who first believed
In all that I was made to be.
It was you, looking in my eyes.
You held my hand and you showed me life.
And I’ve never been the same,
Since you first believed.

How many times did I pray you’d find me…

How many wishes on a star…

                        hoku/you first believed

Comments (13) »