the waiting continues

i was supposed to get the result of my spinal tap yesterday but a few hours before my scheduled appointment, my oncologist  called and he told me that the pathologist still hasn’t reach a conclusive and definitive findings as to whether the blast cells found in the sample are normal immature white cells or abnormal or leukemic cells. my doctor said the pathologist requested that she be given  some of the slides from my original bone marrow biopsy for comparison and analysis. looks like i have to wait for two more days.  😦

i was told that if the test would remain inconclusive i have no other choice but to repeat the spinal tap. or if the pathologist will eventually conclude that the cells are indeed leukemic cells then there’s an immediate need for me to undergo a more extensive chemo, 3 days per week for 3 months and then depending on the progress, i’ll undergo stem cell transplant which will be my last resort. but the thing is: my oncologist is worried that my frail body would not be able to withstand another round of extensive chemo since i had 3 chemo sessions already. he’s afraid that my organs would not be able to take the repercussions and eventually they would fail and kill me. on the other hand, if i don’t undergo another round of chemo (assuming i still have leukemic cells), i won’t last longer than a year. this is so depressing.

on the lighter side, if the pathologist concludes that the blast cells were normal immature white cells it means i don’t have leukemic cells anymore and i will be in remission. i will then undergo a month of consolidation therapy to prepare me for the stem cell transplant.

i don’t know what to feel right now. my head is full of “what if’s”. i know He holds my life in His hand and i just have to accept His will and trust His plans for me, but then, this is easier said than done. nevertheless, I will keep on trusting Him and will continue to wait on Him. i know He will carry me through, He will not leave me nor forsake me.

thank you for your unconditional love Lord. Your love keeps me sane.

You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness

And I look to You
And I wait on You

I will sing to You, Lord
A hymn of love
For Your faithfulness to me
I’m carried in everlasting arms
You’ll never let me go
Through it all

Hallelujah, hallelujah

through it all/hillsong

11 Tugon so far »

  1. 1

    etzhel said,

    Your faith is what makes u unique and admirable. Trust and believe He will comfort and heal you completely. Smile for me 🙂
    wink! 😉

  2. 2

    jude said,

    we are constantly praying for you dude. don’t give up. keep the faith. God bless.

  3. 3

    dec said,

    cuz 😦 basta keep on fighting. magleleave na talaga ako next week. i want to see you. take care ok. be positive. God bless. love yah!

  4. 4

    maxi said,

    keep the faith burning. GOD loves you.

  5. 5

    lou said,

    awwww lex…we heart you bro…we are with you all the way… keeping our faith for your complete remission…
    wag lang susuko mah pren

  6. 6

    raffy said,

    bro lex, your strong faith in Him will surely get you through this difficult times. He will be there to hold you and heal you. God bless.

  7. 8

    bakal said,

    pain reminds us that we are alive… when we’re cut, when we fall, when we’re bruised, we know we are alive. sickness and failure reminds us we are human. But we will live forever… your words will remind us of your courage and resilience. + in hoc signus vincis est

  8. 9

    claire said,

    you are always in my prayers lex. i admire your faith in God and it is something na hindi kayang talunin ng leukemia. take care always. God bless.

  9. 10

    I will pray for you Dude.

  10. 11

    dhez said,

    wow you know that song? nice lyrics noh and the melody too.. keep on keeping on ! 😉

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