Archive for Setyembre, 2008

i will.definitely.absolutely.

I’ll take care of you
Don’t be sad, don’t be blue
I’ll never break your heart in two
I’ll take care of you

I’ll take care of you
I’ll kiss your tears away
I’ll end your lonely days
All that I’m trying to say
Is I’ll take care of you

I want you to know that I love you so
I’m proud to tell the world you’re mine
I said it before, I’ll say it once more
You’ll be in my heart ’til the end of time

I’ll take care of you
Don’t be sad, don’t be blue
Just count on me your whole life through
‘Cause I’ll take care of you

i’ll take care of you/richard poon

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this morning….

i woke up feeling some discomfort in my stomach but instead of taking my medicine, i decided to just stay in bed, curled and cold.

i was discharged from the hospital yesterday. was admitted due to an allergic reaction to trimox, an antibiotic treating my gall bladder infection

all of a sudden the reality of my “remission” hit me like a rod. remission only means the absence of the disease’s activity, it does not mean that the leukemia is gone. AML is still lurking somewhere in my body.

i felt so stupid trying to act as if everything will go back to normal if i try harder when i know that things will never be the same again.

remission was my body’s response to the treatment. if i remain in remission for a few years, it is possible that AML might be cured. Time is the crucial and determinative factor.

my recent tests showed that i’m still on remission and that my body is still responding positively to my medicines but…………. its not the same—every now and then i’ll get infection, there are things that i still can’t do by myself and i have 20+ medicines (5 of which are injectables) that i need to take every day, blah, blah, blah–i need not go into specifics.

to achieve long term remission, stem cell transplant was recommended by my oncologist. and as we are preparing for it now, i can’t help but feel the pressure. i’m just happy that my doctors are honest and that they listen to what i want to say. they respect me and they give me options so i can make my own choice.

i was told that relapse in AML is common and that all AML patients in remission must jump into the next phase of treatment based on the patient’s risk factors. in my case, the next phase is the transplant.

its hard to be positive when your body’s aching. but i know that if i stay being “negative” i will only make things difficult.

today, i felt the mistrust, the loosening of my hold in His hand—maybe because i’m tired, impatient, stubborn and wanting to do things my way.

but God is continuously showing me His great love—from the sunlight in the morning to the simple things that makes me smile. i just knew that even if sometimes I feel like giving up on God, He will never give up on me.

so i think i had enough of these rantings. time to take my breakfast and medicines and spend a little more time with someone who made things more bearable for me, who brought back the bright colors into my life and the reason why i have this wide 😀 on my face right now.

i wanna live one day at at time—-trusting my Jehovah Rapha every step of the way.

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生日快乐

i know this is late

but i just couldn’t let it past without greeting you here

happy birthday my rainbow!

wink!

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No More Rain

Have you ever thought that the sky was just endlessly dark?
And then look up and see a million stars
Have you ever been scare off the water it’s stuck on the edge?
And then you dive in, how quickly you’ll forget

You know fears, they capture the way, get by
Now that I’m back in the light, so warm I feel it like a

Wave of love coming over me
Got greater drop fall and I’m on my knees
Got the sound of you ringing in my ears
Sun coming up on another day
Got a second hand change gonna do it again
Got rainbow colours and no more rain

(Rain) no more
(Rain) no more
(Rain) no more
(Rain) no more

Have you ever dreamed you were flying until you look down?
You never moved an inch feet firmly on the ground (feet on firmly on the ground)

Our love carries a hurt that you hold
Funny how live can unfold, oh yeah I feel it like a

Wave of love coming over me
Got greater drop fall and I’m on my knees
Got the sound of you ringing in my ears
Sun coming up on another day
Got a second hand change gonna do it again
Got rainbow colours and no more rain

(Rain) no more
(Rain) no more
(Rain) no more
(Rain) no more

Wave of love coming over me
Got greater drop fall and I’m on my knees
Got the sound of you ringing in my ears
Sun coming up on another day
Got a second hand change gonna do it again
Got rainbow colours and no more rain

Wave of love coming over me
Got greater drop fall and I’m on my knees
Got the sound of you ringing in my ears
Sun coming up on another day
Got a second hand change gonna do it again
Got rainbow colours and no more rain

(Rain) no more
(Rain) no more
(Rain) no more
(Rain) no more

no more rain/kylie minogue

i’m having rainbows! wink! wink!

video by: KylieSongs

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not a relapse…good grief

i was at the onco clinic this morning. i’ve spiked a fever for three days straight and had some nose bleeding episodes so my blood was checked for possible infection.

after an hour the verdict came. yes, i have infection but cbc is still good,  no leukemic blast, wbc and rbc both normal. so in general, i’m still on remission. the “relapse” theory was thrown out of the window. good grief.

the “supposed-final-schedule-for-my-sct” will be moved (again) to a later date. no idea when, but definitely not this month.

and the oncologist is honest enough to tell me that: 60% of patients who receive SCT gets cured. however, the remaining 20% don’t survive the chemo, the routinary IV medications and radiation leading up to the transplant. and the other 20% dies due to complications they develop after the transplant. this reality hit me hard and i began to wonder, would i be at the 60? the first 20? the last 20? all of a sudden, uncertainty’s coming into the picture.

but then I know that His ways are higher than mine. He knows what’s best for me and that i just need to continue entrusting my life to Him–my Jehovah Rophi.

so…….. i’m pressing on still, keeping the faith and trying to be patient (he he he)

again, i want to say thank you to those who remembered me on my birthday. a Big sweet hug to all of you. God is so good and His mercies never come to an end.

by the way, i got this “cake” for my birthday:

definitely, the sweetest gift i got. thank you so much. you are definitely sweeter than this one. i’m so sure of that. wanna bet? wink!

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my birthday song

I have never walked on water
Felt the waves beneath my feet but
At your Word Lord, I’ll receive Your
Faith to walk on oceans deep

And I remember how You found me:
In that very same place
All my failing surely would’ve drowned me
But You made a way

You are my freedom
Jesus you’re the reason
I’m kneeling again at Your throne
Where would I be without You
Here in my life, here in my life?

You have said that all the heavens
Sing for joy at one who finds
The way to freedom, truth of Jesus
Bought from death into His life

And I remember how You saw me:
Through the eyes of Your grace
And though the cost was Your beloved for me
Still you made a way!

here in my life/hillsong

video by: kwgeagle

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