B-R-O-K-E-N-M-A-N

i have fever. it has been coming in and going out for a few days now and i’m getting used to the chills, shivers and tylenol. the doctor said this condition is quite “normal” for this phase so i just have to be more patient  😦

my immune system is still not normal so my ID (infectious disease) specialist prescribed 3 anti-infection medicines (anti-viral, anti-fungal, antibiotics) to help my body cope up with the vulnerabilities. my latest blood culture test revealed a negative result, meaning there’s no known infection present. i find it really weird since fever is an obvious sign of infection. again, the doctor said the condition is “common” for this phase and they call it “neutropenic fever”.

my ANC or absolute neutrophyl count was up to .4 today (yesterday it was .2) and my monocytes is up from 55 to 68%. today, i had a bowl of organic green salad and apples for breakfast and lunch. dinner was vegetable soup, a piece of banana and a pear.

i’ll have my spinal tap on wednesday and i’m praying that i’ll have complete remission this time. i’m trying to be positive about it, trying to be cool but often times i can’t stop the negative thoughts from creeping in. i’ve been in this treatment for quite a long time now and i feel very very tired already.

today, i found strength and comfort in a song called “wait” by steven curtis chapman. too bad youtube doesn’t have a video of it yet. you can still listen to the song, though, by hitting this link and then choose song # 7.  the lyrics of the song can be found below:

You wonder when the Lord will renew the strength within you;
You wonder how, how can He use you as you are.
Seems like you’re wasting precious time,
But then a voice comes to remind you (to wait)

Wait, wait, wait on the Lord;
You will understand in time.
Why you must wait,
Wait, wait, wait on the Lord;
Yes He hears you,
But for now you must wait on the Lord

Answers come slowly to your cries of desperation,
But time is His tool, teaching the greatest lessons learned;
So let Him do His work in you,
And watch the miracles come true as you (wait).

And He wants you to know that
They that wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They will rise up with wings as eagles,
They will run, not get weary.
They will walk and not faint;
That’s a promise to us when we (wait).

i’ve been reading some of the comments and its really lifting my spirit up. thank you for making my “journey” bearable. words are not enough to express  my appreciation. God bless all of you. please keep those prayers coming!

the journey from brokenman to betterman continues!!!!!