Archive for broken sentiments

what i need now…..


photo from:


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Kong qi li duo zhe shen me

You dian lang man de xin dong

Wo tou tou kan ni

Ni ye tou tou kan wo

Shi jie shang duo le shen me

Hao xiang bian de hen bu tong

Zhan zai ni shen bian

Zhe yi qie dou hao kuan kuo

Wo hai zai deng zhe ni

Jing jing de ai wo

Zhi yao you ni pei wo

Jing jing de jiu zu gou

Ni ye zai deng zhe wo

Jing jing de wen rou

Jiu zhe yang shou qian shou

Jing jing de kan zhe tian kong

Xin li mian cang zhe shen me

Ni zhi xiang yao rang wo dong

Yuan lai wo de meng

Ye jiu shi ni de meng


Zhi tiao shang xie le shen me

Wo hao xiang yao ting ni shuo

Rang zi zi ju ju

Chong man wo men de xiao rong

Yong yuan yao ji de na tian bi ci xu xia de cheng nuo

Shun jian dian liang de huo hua

Shi wo men de yong you

Jing jing de shou qian shou

Shi zui jian dan de meng

jing jing de (silently)/harlem yu

(woh hen siang nian mi.see wang woh men poo chiow tsai chian miyan.Man tsow)

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panic button = on

one humid day

crowded train




difficulty breathing

chest pains


throwing up

emergency room

capitol medical center


please take care…..i care for you so much

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My Heart and Soul

The years they come and go
And change will come I know
You won’t be there, my heart and soul

With every time and place
But time cannot erase
The smile that lines your face
As you gaze in mine, you will always shine

And you will always be
An angel making sure I care
The memory, that’s always there
Your dreams won’t die, they live inside of me

You know you’ll always be
My heart and soul

The years roll on and on
I looked and you were gone
I miss you so, my heart and soul

The years can make you wise
Now I finally realize
That if I just close my eyes
I can see you there, and the love we share

And you will always be
A dream so real, that cannot die
A trusting faith that lets me fly
A love so strong that just belong to me

You know you’ll always be
My heart and soul

Oh, an angel making sure I care
The memory that’s always there
You’ll always be my heart and soul

My Heart and Soul/Stephen Bishop

(please keep the memories; please keep me in your heart; carry me with you; i want to be where you are…. even beyond this life..)

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when will this end?


i’m getting tired of having “needles” for breakfast 😦

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the waiting continues

i was supposed to get the result of my spinal tap yesterday but a few hours before my scheduled appointment, my oncologist  called and he told me that the pathologist still hasn’t reach a conclusive and definitive findings as to whether the blast cells found in the sample are normal immature white cells or abnormal or leukemic cells. my doctor said the pathologist requested that she be given  some of the slides from my original bone marrow biopsy for comparison and analysis. looks like i have to wait for two more days.  😦

i was told that if the test would remain inconclusive i have no other choice but to repeat the spinal tap. or if the pathologist will eventually conclude that the cells are indeed leukemic cells then there’s an immediate need for me to undergo a more extensive chemo, 3 days per week for 3 months and then depending on the progress, i’ll undergo stem cell transplant which will be my last resort. but the thing is: my oncologist is worried that my frail body would not be able to withstand another round of extensive chemo since i had 3 chemo sessions already. he’s afraid that my organs would not be able to take the repercussions and eventually they would fail and kill me. on the other hand, if i don’t undergo another round of chemo (assuming i still have leukemic cells), i won’t last longer than a year. this is so depressing.

on the lighter side, if the pathologist concludes that the blast cells were normal immature white cells it means i don’t have leukemic cells anymore and i will be in remission. i will then undergo a month of consolidation therapy to prepare me for the stem cell transplant.

i don’t know what to feel right now. my head is full of “what if’s”. i know He holds my life in His hand and i just have to accept His will and trust His plans for me, but then, this is easier said than done. nevertheless, I will keep on trusting Him and will continue to wait on Him. i know He will carry me through, He will not leave me nor forsake me.

thank you for your unconditional love Lord. Your love keeps me sane.

You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness

And I look to You
And I wait on You

I will sing to You, Lord
A hymn of love
For Your faithfulness to me
I’m carried in everlasting arms
You’ll never let me go
Through it all

Hallelujah, hallelujah

through it all/hillsong

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it was january 30, 2008 when i got this email from

Congratulations Lex,

Thank you for your continuous support of Philippine Blog Contest from We’ve chosen your blog to reward as our January Winner of
1,000.00 Pesos Gift Certificate for our Monthly Giveaway Prize.
Please confirm your name, address, and phone so we can process
your prize.

my first reaction was “is this real? hmm… could be a hoax”. a few days after i got another email saying the same thing and then some sms’ and offlines from a certain “oliver david” of

i was able to talk with him thrice (online)  and there was even a time when he got pissed off with my endless questions that he resorted to saying “its okay lex, if you have doubts, we can just give the prize to another blogger” 🙂

so to make the long story short, i’ve decided to make the necessary confirmation and the gift certificate, SM Gold worth P1,000, was then delivered through

so to and oliver david, thank you for “randomly” picking my blog. i became a thousand peso richer 🙂 yipee!!

and thanks to “you” for the picture. wanna go shopping with me? 🙂 we could eat siomai and chicken after. he he he.

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