“Change has come to America!”- Barack Obama
Archive for muni-muni
a year ago….
……this broken guy was readmitted at the St. Luke’s Medical Center Cancer Institute for another round of treatment because his first attempt to have remission from Acute Myelogenous Leukemia (AML) failed. his spirit was tired but still, he was keeping a hold on his Savior’s hands, clinging to the one last hope that he had.
………the time when I’ve, finally, after hanging on for so long, decided to slowly accept things as they are, opened my heart, to one painful truth—that things of the past stay as things of the past even if you imagine and prayed hard that they revert back to the present and that some people leave our lives never to come back anymore.
……when someone came into my life and things were never the same. she made things light, she made things easy, the sound of her laughter, the joy in her eyes, the sound of my name in her mouth, everything was different. i had my reservations, though, not wanting to hurt her, not wanting to give more than what i should, and yet she understood and stayed with me making my journey bearable.
……so many tests, more blood letting, IV drips, bone marrow biopsy, spinal tap, medicines of different types, sizes and colors, endless antibiotics—and then finally—at UCSF Comprehensive Cancer Center—-my prayers were answered—-i got Remission!
…..i can’t believe its been a year….God has been so good to me. I’m still on remission and presently preparing for a needed transplant. i’ll spike a fever once in a while, i’ll feel some discomfort, i’ll feel some fatigue at times–but hey i’m breathing! i’m alive—-in God’s grace!
…….one more thing: that someone is now my rainbow! (one more reason to feel really happy with this journey!)
……i’m loving this life and i look forward to more years ahead! wuhuuuuuu!
GOD is indeed GOOD……..All the time!!!!
ten random thoughts
my birthday
9/11
fried chicken
birthday gift
flower delivery
stem cell transplant
together at last
san francisco-manila
twins
complete healing
standing beside me
LORD, sometimes, I feel like my world is getting smaller and my burdens are getting bigger. Every time this kind of feeling comes and overwhelms me, I can’t help but wonder on how long must I wait for that moment where I would no longer need to wear a mask, no more needles, no more chemotherapy, no more leukemic blast, no AML—– I am clean, healthy, leukemia-free for the rest of my life!
But i just realized that all throughout this journey You’ve carried me through and You’ve shown me that Your promises are real, Your love is never ending and Your grace is sufficient. You’ve shown me countless times that these are all but part of Your great plan for me. And the only thing that You want is for me to trust you and keep my faith.
Thank you Lord. I’m standing on your promises. And it feels great to know that I’m not standing in this place alone…..YOU are here……i know…….You are standing beside me.
( view from the attic, bernal heights)
together
Since the day that we met girl
I’ve never had anyone make me feel this way
And my heart is sure it wants to be with you
Want to give you the whole world ohh
If you make the promise to me, I’m gonna stay
Without you guiding me, I’m lost and so confused
What will it take to show you I’ll be by your side
Cause I got you and I want to give you what you never had
Girl everyday I hope to make you part of my life
Cause you know me and I know you
Girl your love is where it’s at..ohhh
I’m gonna be the love that’s gonna last
And be the one that got your back
And nothing never that bad
That we would be together
And we both made a mistake
And something never wished we made
But we will be okay if we just stay together
Oooh..I know he left you stranded
And you paid the price when you messed up your life
Girl I know you’re so afraid but I can’t write the wrong cd
I know you saw the lipstick on my window
And wonder how many chicks been to my home
I done my share of playing games
But for you I given up that life
What will it take to show you I’ll be by your side
Cause I got you and I want to give you what you never had
Girl everyday I hope to make you part of my life
Cause you know me and I know you
Girl your love is where it’s at..ohhh
I’m gonna be the love that’s gonna last
And be the one that got your back
And nothing never that bad
That we would be together
And we both made a mistake
And something never wished we made
But we will be okay if we just stay together
Baby you’re the one I’m waiting for
Because you give me what I needed more
Cause its clear that we are meant to be
Together we should be together
Eternally..Ooohh
And I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the love that’s gonna last
And be the one that got your back
And nothing never that bad
That we would be together
And we both made a mistake
And something never wished we made
But we will be okay if we just stay together
I’m gonna be the love that’s gonna last
And be the one that got your back
And nothing never that bad
That we would be together
And we both made a mistake
And something never wished we made
But we will be okay if we just stay together
together/ne-yo
i know we will be together soon…i can’t wait…i’m holding on….mahal kita!
(video by: ginarhhx33zhim)
the waiting continues
i was supposed to get the result of my spinal tap yesterday but a few hours before my scheduled appointment, my oncologist called and he told me that the pathologist still hasn’t reach a conclusive and definitive findings as to whether the blast cells found in the sample are normal immature white cells or abnormal or leukemic cells. my doctor said the pathologist requested that she be given some of the slides from my original bone marrow biopsy for comparison and analysis. looks like i have to wait for two more days. 😦
i was told that if the test would remain inconclusive i have no other choice but to repeat the spinal tap. or if the pathologist will eventually conclude that the cells are indeed leukemic cells then there’s an immediate need for me to undergo a more extensive chemo, 3 days per week for 3 months and then depending on the progress, i’ll undergo stem cell transplant which will be my last resort. but the thing is: my oncologist is worried that my frail body would not be able to withstand another round of extensive chemo since i had 3 chemo sessions already. he’s afraid that my organs would not be able to take the repercussions and eventually they would fail and kill me. on the other hand, if i don’t undergo another round of chemo (assuming i still have leukemic cells), i won’t last longer than a year. this is so depressing.
on the lighter side, if the pathologist concludes that the blast cells were normal immature white cells it means i don’t have leukemic cells anymore and i will be in remission. i will then undergo a month of consolidation therapy to prepare me for the stem cell transplant.
i don’t know what to feel right now. my head is full of “what if’s”. i know He holds my life in His hand and i just have to accept His will and trust His plans for me, but then, this is easier said than done. nevertheless, I will keep on trusting Him and will continue to wait on Him. i know He will carry me through, He will not leave me nor forsake me.
thank you for your unconditional love Lord. Your love keeps me sane.
You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You
I will sing to You, Lord
A hymn of love
For Your faithfulness to me
I’m carried in everlasting arms
You’ll never let me go
Through it all
Hallelujah, hallelujah
through it all/hillsong
that’s my goal
You know where I’ve come from,
You know my story,
You know why I’m standing here…
Tonight,
Please don’t go,
Don’t be in a hurry,
I’m here to make it clear,
Make it right,
Well I know I’ve acted foolish,
But I promise you no more,
I’ve finally found that something
Worth reaching for,
I’m not here to say I’m sorry,
I’m not here to lie to you,
I’m here to say I’m ready,
That I’ve finally thought it through,
I’m not here to let you’re love go,
I’m not giving up oh no,
I’m here to win your heart and soul,
That’s my goal.
Please don’t go,
You know that I need you,
I can’t breathe without you,
Live without you,
Be without you,
Well I know I’ve acted foolish,
But I promise you no more, no more
I’m not here to say I’m sorry,
I’m not here to lie to you,
I’m here to say I’m ready,
That I’ve finally thought it through,
I’m not here to let you’re love go,
I’m not giving up oh no,
I’m here to win your heart and soul,
That’s my goal.
Well I won’t stop believing,
That we will be living together,
So when I say I love you,
I mean it forever and ever,
ever and ever….
I’m not here to say I’m sorry,
I’m not here to say I’m sorry,
I’m not here to lie to you,
I’m here to say I’m ready,
That I’ve finally thought it through,
I’m not here to let you’re love go,
I’m not giving up oh no,
I’m here to win your heart and soul,
Yes I’m here to win your heart and soul,
That’s my goal.
that’s my goal/shayne ward
iniibig kita
kulang ang araw at gabi ‘pag kita’y kapiling. kahit ang bukas ay ‘di rin sapat upang mamasdan lamang kita.
labis kitang minamahal, pag-ibig ko’y walang kapantay. kung kaya ko lang abutin ang mga bituin tiyak ito’y gagawin.
malaman mo lang wala nang ibang mas hihigit pa sa pag-ibig ko sa’yo. walang ibang nagmamahal na tulad ko sana’y paniwalaan mo. iniibig kita.
kulang ang araw at gabi sinta, pag kita’y kapiling. kahit ang bukas ay ‘di rin sapat upang mamasdan lamang kita.
labis kitang minamahal pag-ibig ko’y walang kapantay. kung kaya ko lang abutin ang mga bituin tiyak ito’y gagawin.
malaman mo lang, wala nang ibang mas hihigit pa sa pag-ibig ko sa’yo. walang ibang nagmamahal na tulad ko sana’y paniwalaan mo.
iniibig kita. iniibig kita. iniibig kita.
james coronel/iniibig kita
mukhang patapos na ang bagyo. may bahaghari na akong natatanaw. may bagong araw na sumisikat. may bagong umaga na parating.
hindi ko maikakaila
parang kailan lang, puso ko’y walang sigla, nangangamba, nag-iisa, hanggang sa makilala ka. binigyan mo ng kulay ang aking mundo, pangamba sa puso ko dagling pinawi mo. buhay ko’y nagbago ng dahil sa’yo.
ikaw ang lahat sa akin. pumukaw sa puso, isip at damdamin. wala nang mahihiling.
hindi ko maikakaila. pag-ibig mo’y sadyang wagas, dakila at tapat mula pa noon hanggang ngayon. hindi ko maikakaila, sa piling mo’y ganap ang tuwa, sigla at galak o aking Panginoon. hindi ko maikakaila. sadyang hindi ko makakaila.
– pido lalimarmo/papuri xvi
lahat ng papuri at pasasalamat ay para lamang sa aking dakilang manggagamot at tagapagligtas!!!! salamat sa iyo Panginoong Hesus! Mahal na mahal kita!
he inspired me to play the guitar…
…….and that explains why i’m making this entry for him.
dan fogelberg (august 13, 1951-december 16, 2007)
Longer than there’ve been fishes in the ocean
Higher than any bird ever flew
Longer than there’ve been stars up in the heavens
I’ve been in love with you.
Stronger than any mountain cathedral
Truer than any tree ever grew
Deeper than any forest primeval
I am in love with you.
I’ll bring fires in the winters
You’ll send showers in the springs
We’ll fly through the falls and summers
With love on our wings.
Through the years as the fire starts to mellow
Burning lines in the book of our lives
Though the binding cracks and the pages start to yellow
I’ll be in love with you.
Longer than there’ve been fishes in the ocean
Higher than any bird ever flew
Longer than there’ve been stars up in the heavens
I’ve been in love with you
I am in love with you..
longer/dan fogelberg
rest in peace dan. thank you for the music.
prayers and condolences can be posted at this site: http://www.thelivinglegacy.net/wishes.html
current state of mind
tsan tsah. yow chow. towh pin. swee rwoh.
God, woh shwee yaw ni teh pang mang. yaw ni teh pang mang.
woh hen siang nian mi. ban kiyah.
the same wish
i was looking at the sky last night hoping it could somehow calm my weary soul but the sky, just like my heart, was gloomy with some dark clouds.
and then i think i saw a star twinkled and i made a wish……..
star light, star bright, first star i see tonight
wish i may, wish i might,
please grant my wish tonight
same wish
same person
same thing
but hopefully, not the same pain
is it regression?
i thought i’m doing good. i’ve decided to move on. i’ve started to get myself out of my “sadness” shell. i’m starting to meet new people, focusing on my medication, finding myself again, making some baby steps, learning to live one day at a time, telling myself i’ll get use to it, that i’ll be okay, that sooner or later i’ll forget about her and missing her will be history, that the pain will soon go away…..and then all of a sudden…………….BOOM!!!
so we are talking again….planning to see each other….talk and fix things (that’s what she said)……the urge to be with her is back
i think this is called regression….i think i’m moving backward….going back…..looking back….
question: is moving on doesn’t mean going back? but the past is part of the present and the foundation of the future isn’t it? what if there’s something in the past that you think you can still fix in the present, is fixing that thing means going back? is getting rid of “what ifs” a big “n0 no” when you are moving on?
i better get myself out of this confusion fast….i want to be happy….i deserve to be happy……and i have to do something that will make me happy
oh well…..that would be a great thought for tonight….i better sleep now…..i just know that there’s nothing that will happen to me that HE and I can’t handle 🙂
HE is the great lover……HE will definitely tell me what to do and this “love” problem will be over soon! 🙂
anticipating
i have a feeling that one of my biggest dreams is about to come true real soon and i can’t wait! 🙂
(my back is actually aching right now but my heart is happy!)
joke time
You Might Be A Lawyer If….
You are charging someone for reading these jokes.
The shortest sentence you have ever written was more than eighty words long.
You have a daughter named Sue and a son named Bill.
Your other car is a BMW.
When you look in a mirror, you see a lawyer.
When your wife says “I love you,” you cross-examine her.
(source: http://www.ahajokes.com/law091.html)
aarghhhh…..boredom took a toll on me today 😦
B-R-O-K-E-N-M-A-N 