Archive for Disyembre, 2007

hindi ko maikakaila

parang kailan lang, puso ko’y walang sigla, nangangamba, nag-iisa, hanggang sa makilala ka. binigyan mo ng kulay ang aking mundo, pangamba sa puso ko dagling pinawi mo. buhay ko’y nagbago ng dahil sa’yo.

ikaw ang lahat sa akin. pumukaw sa puso, isip at damdamin. wala nang mahihiling.

hindi ko maikakaila. pag-ibig mo’y sadyang wagas, dakila at tapat mula pa noon hanggang ngayon. hindi ko maikakaila, sa piling mo’y ganap ang tuwa, sigla at galak o aking Panginoon. hindi ko maikakaila. sadyang hindi ko makakaila.

                                                   – pido lalimarmo/papuri xvi

lahat ng papuri at pasasalamat ay para lamang sa aking dakilang manggagamot at tagapagligtas!!!! salamat sa iyo Panginoong Hesus! Mahal na mahal kita!

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the journey continues

when the oncologist walked into my room three days after my bone marrow biopsy,  i told myself “this is the moment“. i tried showing a brave face as i felt the sudden surge of emotions but i guess i’m really not good in acting. after the usual pleasantries he finally opened a brown envelope and read through the results of the biopsy.

i’m on partial remission——meaning the stubborn leukemia finally responded to the chemotherapy but it did not disappear completely with the treatment. (this leukemia must have fallen in love with me and doesn’t want to leave. ha ha ha. silly thought!)

the doctor said my suppressed marrow function is beginning to return to normal but in a very slow rate. this was also confirmed by the latest results of my cbc and reticulocyte count  which were used to evaluate cell production in my marrow. he told me that treatment via radiation therapy plus oral medication will continue so that complete remission can be achieved.

initially, i was disappointed with the result as i was expecting complete remission. the feeling of uncertainty went back to me and consumed me. but when the night came, i found myself talking to God, asking Him “what are you trying to tell me Lord?”, “what do you want me to learn from this new development?“. i asked Him to give me His peace and to hug me as I embark on my journey to radiation oncology.

i already had two sessions of radiation therapy and will have five more the coming days. i’m actually on “break” right now. i personally asked for it as i want to spend the holidays with my loved ones “radiation free”.

i’m keeping my hopes high, trusting Him and letting Him do His will on me. i know that He will complete His work and I’m holding on to His promise that “He will never leave me nor forsake me”.

I then remembered I Thessalonians 5:18 that says “Give thanks in all circumstances….” and i just felt that this is what He wants me to do—to continue thanking Him inspite of all the painful things coming my way and He wants me to look around and appreciate the beauty of life.  there are indeed countless reasons to thank Him for His love and faithfullness. i thank Him for the gift of life, the gift of time, the gift of love, the gift of family, the gift of friends—–the list could go on and on—–mercies that will never come to an end.

again, i want to thank the people who journeyed with me and prayed for me. i want to send my warm hugs of appreciation to my family, my children, my best buddies, friends, classmates, aunts, uncles, cousins, other relatives, family friends, online friends and those who’ve just chanced upon my blog and offered prayers, online strangers and “you” (wink!)  thank you very much.

my journey from brokenman to betterman continues………please journey with me.

a belated merry christmas and a blessed new year to all!

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he inspired me to play the guitar…

…….and that explains why i’m making this entry for him.

dan-fogelberg.jpg 

dan fogelberg (august 13, 1951-december 16, 2007)

Longer than there’ve been fishes in the ocean
Higher than any bird ever flew
Longer than there’ve been stars up in the heavens
I’ve been in love with you.

Stronger than any mountain cathedral
Truer than any tree ever grew
Deeper than any forest primeval
I am in love with you.

I’ll bring fires in the winters
You’ll send showers in the springs
We’ll fly through the falls and summers
With love on our wings.

Through the years as the fire starts to mellow
Burning lines in the book of our lives
Though the binding cracks and the pages start to yellow
I’ll be in love with you.

Longer than there’ve been fishes in the ocean
Higher than any bird ever flew
Longer than there’ve been stars up in the heavens
I’ve been in love with you
I am in love with you..

                                               longer/dan fogelberg

rest in peace dan. thank you for the music.

prayers and condolences can be posted at this site: http://www.thelivinglegacy.net/wishes.html

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for ahma

what is a grandmother?

a grandmother is a remarkable woman

she’s a wonderful combination of warmth and kindness,

laughter and love

she overlooks our faults, encourages our dreams and praises our every success

a grandmother has a wisdom of a teacher,

the sincerity of a true friend and the tenderness of a mother.

she’s someone that we admire, respect and love very much

a grandmother will always have a cherished place in our memories and in our hearts

she’s someone for whom we want every happiness in return for the joys she always brings

a grandmother is a precious and dear thing in life

especially when she’s a grandmother like you

                          adopted from: http://www.4namesakes.com/whatisagrandma.html

(remembering ahma on her 9th death anniversary last december 16, 2007)

wo xiang nian ni ahma

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longing for home

Thinking back when we first met
I remember what You said
You said You’d never leave me
I let go of your hand
Built my castle in the sand
But now I’m reachin’ out again
And I’m not letting go
Till You

Hold me
Mold me
Sometimes I feel so all alone
See, I gotta find my way back home
So why don’t You
Shape me
Make me
Wash me whiter than the snow
I gotta find my way
Back home

Master upon my knees i pray
I just want to be the clay
Put Your arms around me
Place my life in Your hands
Lord, I know I’m just a man
I know You understand
This time I’m not letting go
Till You

Anoint me
Appoint me
Sometimes I feel so alone
See, I gotta find my way back home
So why don’t You
Chastise me
Baptize me
Wash me whiter than the snow
I gotta find my way

‘Cause I’m lost and alone
I’ve been wandering
Long enough to know
Humbly I search for You
And I’m not gonna rest
Till You

Choose me
Use me
Sometimes I feel so alone
I’m on my way back home

So why don’t You
Direct me
Bless me
Wash me whiter then the snow
I’m on my way
Back home

                                       home/brian mcknight

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm
Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
‘Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

                                            home/michael buble

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Second Round of Chemo’s Over

my first round of chemo didn’t give us the results that we were hoping so I had to undergo a second round. it was a very difficult and scary journey. i had blood transfusions most of the time and there were “passing out” episodes too. i went back to “soft” and “liquid” diet and my hickman line was re-installed. my blood count was fluctuating and my spirit, was, most of the time, low. the result of this “repeated treatment” is of great importance as this will tell us if i still have to undergo a bone marrow transplant.

thank GOD, the chemo sessions are over now and my doctor will remove my hickman line by tomorrow. yipee! my blood count is slowly picking up and by faith, i claim that i’ll have remission this time. i’ll have my bone marrow biopsy by thursday morning and if everything goes well (of which i’m sure it will) then i’m all set to go home. double yipee!

BUT…….bad news: i still have to undergo 5 sessions of radiation therapy. good news: i have an option to take the radiation sessions as an out-patient. yahoo!

again, i want to say thank you to those who prayed for me, offered healing masses, sent encouraging sms, funny mms, etcetera. words are inadequate to express my gratitude.

and to my LORD and SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST, my JEHOVAH ROPHI, i want to offer my highest praise. You have again demonstrated Your great love for me. my heart is overwhelmed with Your faithfulness. i am in AWE of You!

indeed, “the steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Thy faithfulness” Lamentations 3:22-23

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to have faith…..

“…is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see”

                                                                   -Hebrews 11:1

sunrise.jpg

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