B-R-O-K-E-N-M-A-N

what does my birthdate mean? (according to www.blogthings.com)

p.s……i’m still accepting gifts he he he he 🙂

[rockyou id=82782238&w=426&h=319]                                 

happy birthday mrs. fran ramos macfarlane of sydney, australia

(kika, i want to say thank you for being patient with me lalo na sa mga times na i’m so bratty and stubborn. thank you for giving me cacai, for taking care of her and for raising her the way she is now. i’m happy na sa kabila ng lahat ng nangyari we’ve remained not just civil for the sake of our daughter, but “real friends”. thanks for praying for me and for listening to me. don’t worry about me, i know in God’s perfect time, He will give me the one He created just for me; or baka nakita ko na nga 🙂 sana sana ito na. God bless you and rodney. please send my warm hugs and kisses to cacai. i miss both of you so much. please tell her that her dad is going on with his journey, taking some slow baby steps and choosing to be happy. more birthdays to come. oops….remember this song?)

It’s hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life
Passes things get more comfortable
Everything is going right

And after all the obstacles
It’s good to see you now with someone else
And it’s such a miracle that you and me are still good friends
After all that we’ve been through
I know we’re cool

We used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain

Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown
We have changed but we’re still the same
After all that we’ve been through
I know we’re cool

And I’ll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles, and now we’re hangin’ out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we’ve been
I know we’re cool

                      cool/gwen stefani    

i didn’t know that through blogging i would be able to meet people who will deeply care for me, who will pray for me and who will lift my spirit up and encourage me to go on with my battle. it was a blessing to have found here at wordpress a support group for people with leukemia. i’ve learned a lot from their blogs, their sharings and online advise. it has given me a sense of belonging and it was a source of strength and inspiration.

today when i opened my email, i got an alert from imeem.com. a friend has sent me a message. and i was so moved when i read her piece. i’ve decided to put a copy of her letter here not for my own self-gratification, but as as sign of my deep appreciation for her concern and for being a friend. Thank you so much Lou. I hope you won’t get mad at me because i published your letter here. God bless you.

“July 26, 2007

Hello my dear imeem friends,

lou /
a.k.a. NYNAVI

My good friend Lian sent me this epistle. 

THE GREATEST ADVICE -Rick Warren,
the Purpose Driven Life

Don’t date because you are desperate.
Don’t marry because you are miserable.
Don’t have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don’t philander because you think you are irresistible.

Don’t associate with people you can’t trust.
Don’t cheat. Don’t lie. Don’t pretend.
Don’t dictate because you are smarter.
Don’t demand because you are stronger.

Don’t sleep around because you think you are old enough & know better.
Don’t hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don’t sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don’t stagnate!

Don’t regress.
Don’t live in the past. Time can’t bring anything or anyone back.
Don’t put your life on hold for possibly Ms. Right.
Don’t throw your life away on absolutely Ms. Wrong because your
biological clock is ticking.

Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won, only a price to be paid for some of life’s more hasty decisions.

To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don’t bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.

To make yourself happy, pursue your passions & be the best of what you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and
dangerous liaisons.
Don’t abandon your responsibilities but don’t overdose on duty.

Don’t live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.
Be true to yourself.
Don’t commit when you are not ready.
Don’t keep others waiting needlessly.

Go on that trip. Don’t postpone it.
Say those words. Don’t let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society’s scorn.

Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.

Take care of yourself. Don’t wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life.
You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you – except YOU.

It isn’t true that life does not get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don’t be afraid. Don’t lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.

Live your dreams.
Don’t lose faith in God.
Don’t grow old. Just grow YOU!

When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you’ll never get back.
Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give to
someone is your time.
Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is
T-I-M-E because the essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves

God is good all the time!

and this is her……Lian!!! (hey! thanks for the friendship, for being so open minded and for listening to my “insane” thoughts. you take care. God bless!)

(this entry was first published at my friendster blog, january 2006)

Dear Jay: My son, my first born..how can i forget that day when your mother came to me, shoving right into my face a test strip, “sh*t ka lex, buntis ako”…from that moment i knew my life will never be the same again…i panicked..and was really confused….it brought me sleepless nights…anxieties….lost of appetite..added to that was your mother’s continuous nagging…constantly telling me that she doesn’t want to marry me…that we have to do something fast as she needs to go to Japan for her family’s sake..and that a baby is the least of her priorities..she even blamed me for not “withdrawing” at the proper time…“kasalanan mo to”…as if it is not a consensual act….your mother was 4 months on the way when I finally had the courage to tell your “daddy lolo” about my predicament…he punched me…kicked me..shouted at me…as if i was the worst thing that ever happened to him…i knew i disappointed him…he was expecting a “good son”…just like your Tito Henry…i was hurt..but i understand him..it was my fault..nevertheless, he was the one who initiated the move to talk to your mother’s parents..a deal was made…your mother will never marry me…and that they will not bother me..and my family..as long as we pay all her expenses related to the pregnancy plus expenses for her trip to Japan…your “Daddy Lolo” thought it was a good idea..and told me that I have to pay those expenses on my own… he declared that i will never get any financial help from him…it was a sheer agony as i was earning so little with my work at that time and i don’t have enough resources…thank GOD for people who were very supportive of me…on top of the list was your “Mommy Lola” who regularly visited me at my apartment…easing my burdens with her selfless love and support..helping me financially and spiritually..i sold my second hand semi-dilapidated mitsubishi lancer a month before you were born…i needed money to pay for the delivery…and so it came…at 11:05 in the evening, 25th day of June, you were born via normal delivery at Chinese General Hospital…when i was told the words “Congrats po, It’s a baby boy”..all the pain went away…felt like i was the happiest man in the world at that time…a few hours after that I was asked to go the nursery viewing area..i saw you my dear son…fragile..pinkish..yawning…wearing a blue baby dress…i was crying son…i was so happy…no matter how bad the situation at that time..the circumstances of how you were made and born…became irrelevant at the moment..all that matter at that time was the fact that that I’m now a dad…i’m a father…i have a son.. your mother gave you to us when you were almost 5 months old..she’s leaving for Japan..finally…your “Mommy Lola” became your “mother”..and the rest as they say…was history…i can’t believe how big you are now..i remember when we were shopping for shoes last Christmas and i was shocked to see how big your feet has become..a few years from now you’ll become a teenager..and you will then begin to notice girls….you’ll have peers…and fears…you’ll experience changes in your physical make up..son, i want you to know that daddy loves you so much…everytime i see the world getting worst every day..i would fear for your future…but then I know GOD is in control…and i pray that you may not commit the mistakes that I’ve made in my life..be better than your dad….i know sometimes you feel that i’m loving you less because i spend more time in my work than going home to Bulacan and spending time with you..daddy wants to say sorry…please don’t think that i love you less because the truth is i really love you son…its just that there are things that i have to do so that i can give you a better life…i pray that this year will be a better year for the two of us…and i want to really spend more time with you….

this is a new post:

happy birthday son. i know that what we have right now are not as good as before and i can feel your pain. son, it is easy to say that things happen for reasons but believing it is one thing. i know God has a purpose on why we are in this difficult situation and we may never understand that now, i know in His perfect time we will see His plan.

i pray that He gives you wisdom as you treck along this journey called life. remember that even if i’m not there physically, you are in my heart and that my spirit and my love will always be with you.

you are a very special part of me and i only want the best for you. i’m keeping my promise son, daddy will not give up without a fight.

God bless you son. again, happy birthday!

“Soul of my soul, heart of my heart
The greatest treasure of my life thats what you are
Soul of my soul, child of my heart
I love you more than you know, soul of my soul”

                                soul of my soul/michael bolton