Archive for they help me breathe

of stc prep and birthdays

Preparation for my stem cell transplant officially started last week!

I’m done with my bone marrow biopsy and although the final analysis won’t be ready until early next week, my oncologist informed me that the initial pathology review was very encouraging. Although the procedure went well, I was “glued” to my bed for 2 days as my hip was sore. (my marrow samples were extracted from my right rear hip bone).

Good thing i was back home in time for Mommy’s birthday last July 14. We had dinner at Lime Tree, a restaurant that serves Southeast Asian Cuisine.

Because of my “restricted diet” I wasn’t able to try their famous roti pratha and curry noodle. I just had a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice, a very small serving of tofu and mushrooms in olive oil and a half serving of potato cake. Bitin. Bitin. ūüė¶

Cheers to the best Mom in the world! Happy Birthday Mommy! Words are not enough to express my gratitude for your selfless love and devotion. I know we’ve been through a lot and your strength and faith are keeping the family intact. I can’t thank God enough for giving you to me. I love you so much Mommy.

The next day was another big day as my “baby bro” Godo celebrated his 20 plus birthday (he he he he). we went to fisherman’s wharf for lunch, went window shopping (he he he) at pier 39 and then visited the bay aquarium.

As expected, the place was full people and the restaurants are on-SRO. I think we waited for almost 45 minutes for a table. Nevertheless, I really had a great time exploring the area.

Although the trip has practically drained my energy I felt really great because somehow I am now at a “normal” place, living and moving as a “normal” person. I’m experiencing the crowd again, appreciating God’s creation and enjoying a great time with my family. (I’m missing someone though, sigh).

some pictures at the bay aquarium:

Today, I have a scheduled spinal tap at 11am and more tests are scheduled the coming days so please keep me in your prayers. Thank you to those who made comments in some of the entries. I really appreciate it and It really lifts my spirit. God bless all of you. (I’ll answer them all next time promise!)

As I always say…..the journey from brokenman to betterman….continues!! aja! aja! aja!

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no greater love

Before I knew your name
You knew my every breath
Before I found my way
You knew my every step
Before I knew everything that I need
You gave it all to me
No greater love than this
That you should lay down your life
For someone such as me
I’d spend a life time wondering why
The beauty of heaven is here in my heart
And I know there can be
No greater love
Than this
I never understood
How mercifull love could be
Untill I felt His flame
Light every part of me
And I would give everything that I am
Cause I have been saved
Yes I have been saved
No greater love than this
That you should lay down your life
For someone such as me
I spend a life time wondering why
The beauty of heaven is here in my heart
And I know there can be
No greater love
The beauty of heaven is here in my heart
And I know there can be
No greater love
For someone such as me
No greater love
Than this

thank you my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ……Your love is¬†simply amazing!!! ¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†

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OT doki

today is my third day doing my OT and¬†i feel good! ūüôā ¬†

occupational therapy or OT refers to the use of meaningful occupation to assist people who have difficulty in achieving a healthy and balanced lifestyle.

according to the OT manual that was given to me, occupational therapists work with a variety of individuals who have difficulty accessing or performing meaningful occupations. they work with individuals who have conditions that are mentally, physically, developmentally or emotionally disabling. their goal is to help their clients have independent, productive and satisfying lives. basically, its about helping someone like me, a leukemia patient on remission, get back my independence and enjoy life as normal as possible. isn’t that great?

so my first OT session which lasted for¬†3 hours was¬†on dressing,¬†we called it “dress for success”.¬†¬†i told the therapist that¬†i can put my socks, jockey and pants all by myself but its the upper stuff which i find difficult to put on alone. so he helped me in¬†putting on¬†a patient gown as if i’m¬†going to wear¬† a shirt and then he gave me a small panel with fabric and buttons and¬†he asked me¬†to button up the material like a shirt. it was difficult and painful but i was able to pull it through after 30 minutes. whew!¬†the process was repeated i think 3 times and ¬†after that he asked me to answer a 3-page¬†questionnaire full of abstract figures. whew again!

afternoon of the same day, i was with my physical therapist and i had fun doing some leg exercises and walking. first it was walking with a walker, then with my cane. i was so proud of myself because i was able to walk farther and broke my own record. after taking a break, i had some stress testing and arm exercises. i was exhausted but i felt really good. seeing those sweats coming out made me smile.

second day of OT is on shaving and it was hard. its been a while since i used my hands that way and coordination was difficult at first. i almost cut the side of my lower lip while shaving my moustache. and i felt really sad when we tried shaving a little of my goatee. he he he.

so today is the third day and i¬†still have two more sessions for OT. i feel a lot better now and i want to believe that i’m¬†getting better,¬†well except for a¬†fever spike two days ago.

i can walk now, a few baby steps, without my cane and it felt really great. i hope i could jog and jump soon.

again i want to say thank you to all those who are praying for me and supporting me financially, emotionally and spiritually. thank you so much. God bless all of you.

the journey continues………..ahoo! ahoo! (inspired by “300”) he he he

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my “other sister”

God has blessed me with the gift of siblings. aside from 2 wonderful brothers, i have¬†two¬†( it used to be three) adorable sisters. i’ve already made an entry about my baby sister here on the occasion of her “20 plus”¬†birthday. so this one is for my “other sister” who is celebrating her¬†“30 plus”¬†birthday today, february 3.

here are some of the “not so crazy, not so common, not so funny” things about her:

  • she was born three years after i was born
  • she has a twin sister (who died when they were 4 years old) and this twin sister is 3 minutes older than her
  • she came out “feet first” (a “footling breech”)
  • she grew up “a little boyish” because kuya and i were her playmates
  • she’s not afraid to say what’s on her mind
  • she’s a “one-woman-comedy-act” (she can sing, dance and do monologue at the same time, he he he)
  • she joined a singing contest on tv when she was a kid
  • she hates dishes with curry (it upsets her stomach)
  • half of her room is filled with her collections of CDs, audio tapes and books
  • she’s a lawyer, board chairman, NGO worker
  • she can’t eat without “patis” (one time we were eating in a very posh resto and she called the waiter and said “excuse me, penge patis”)
  • she loves to make funny poses on cam
  • eating is her (opps)
  • she’s into japanese, italian and chinese dishes
  • she attempted to came out of the “tradition veil” and she made it through successfully
  • she’s funny, caring, smart and sweet BUT beware of her serious dark side (he he he)
  • she has the talent of making a one¬†embarrassing blooper into a light and¬†funny moment
  • she’s my sister and i love her so much

happy birthday yei! God bless you more! thanks for taking that leap (you know what i mean)……keep it up!

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her name is reese

name: anne rizzelle jillian

nicknames: reese

birthdate: november 29, 1980

birthplace: carson city, nevada

educational attainment: bachelor of science in hotel and restaurant management (UST), master of arts in teaching (PNU)

favorite cartoon character: tweety bird

famous for: making avocado mayo, tuna pasta and banana cake

she hates: sad movies, traffic, dust,¬†men who stare “too hard”, crowded malls

status: in a relationship with a guy named anthony (4 years ain’t bad right?)

brokenman’s message:

happy birthday baby sister. thank you so¬†much¬†for taking care of me, for keeping up with my “ever-changing” moods and for being the best “nanny” to jay. i know you’ve been emotionally and physically drained by the recent events in our family but hey,¬†i know you’ve realized that the situation has actually¬†brought out the best in you.¬†¬†remember what you’ve told me a few nights ago? that there were things that you never thought you could do but you were able to do so successfully. isn’t that awesome? i’m so proud of you. keep it up. remember that yaku will always love you syobe!!!

my birthday verse for you:

“trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight”¬† Proverbs 3: 5-6

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a special gift

what’s inside the bag?



books, card and 3 boxes of caramel bar ūüôā


max’s caramel bar is a favorite. before, i could eat¬†the content of a box (18 pieces) in one sitting. well,¬†right now, i have to cut down on my sugar¬†intake so, i’m only allowed to¬†eat 1 piece a day and i¬†have to wash it up immediately with at least 2 glasses of water.¬† tsk tsk tsk ūüė¶


food for the soul (Fill Your Life With Miracles by Bo Sanchez and Footprints for Men)


a card, a mobile phone chain (?)

etz, thank you for your concern, for your love, for the prayers and for the special friendship that we share. i will always remember you. yes, i’m still saving¬†that dream ūüôā you take care. God bless.

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birthday babes

happy birthday lian and etzhel. thanks for the friendship. God bless both of you.



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what does my birthdate mean? (according to


just want to share some pictures from my “30++”¬† birthday bash. the slideshow was made by my friend vincent. (thanks enteng!). just want to say thank you sa lahat ng nakaalala sa birthday ko. God bless all of you!

p.s……i’m still accepting gifts he he he he ūüôā

[rockyou id=82782238&w=426&h=319]                                 

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for HIM…..

… Lord and Savior Jesus Christ:

thank you for another year. i know i’ve hurt you when i tried to live my life my way; when i chose to listen to myself and not to Your words and i refuse to trust you with all my heart. i’m so sorry. thank you for your great love, for loving me unconditionally; thank you for the gift of forgiveness, for the gift of healing, for the¬† financial, material, physical, emotional and spiritual gifts, thank you for the gift of family, for the gift of children, for the gift of friends, for the gift of living. my whole being is in awe of you!

Who compares to You?
Who set the stars in their place?
You who calmed the raging seas
That came crashing over me

Who compares to You?
You who bring the morning light
The hope of all the earth
Is rest assured in Your great love

You are magnificent, eternally
Wonderful, glorious

No one ever will compare to You
Where the evening fades
You call forth songs of joy
As the morning wakes
We Your children give You praise

You are magnificent, eternally
Wonderful, glorious

No one ever will compare to You

No one ever will compare to You,

magnificent/hillsong australia

thank you sa lahat ng tumawag, nag-testi,  nag-comment, bumati sa ym, tumawag, nag-sms, nag-mms, nagpadala ng gift. to all those who remembered me on my birthday, thank you so much. God bless all of you.

and to maru¬†who made¬†a blog for me (with my “scandalous” picture he he he) thank you. glad to have found a friend like you here at wordpress. and sa mga friends sa word press pinoy bloggers, thank you for the¬† thread ng birthday greetings sa forum (tama ba yung term? thanks jovi!)

also, today is the birthday of my big bro, kuya henry (yes, pareho kaming sept 1). he’s in san francisco california: kuya,¬†happy birthday. thank you for all the things that you’ve done and you’ve been doing for the family. i wish you good health and success in all your endeavors. see you soon. regards to¬†ate jo and the kids.

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happy birthday kika

happy birthday mrs. fran ramos macfarlane of sydney, australia

(kika, i want to say thank you for being patient with me lalo na sa mga times na i’m so bratty and stubborn. thank you for giving me cacai,¬†for taking care of her and for raising her the way she is now. i’m happy na sa kabila ng lahat ng nangyari we’ve remained not just civil for the sake of our daughter, but “real friends”. thanks for praying for me and for listening to me. don’t worry about me, i know in God’s perfect time, He will give me the one He created just for me; or baka nakita ko na nga ūüôā sana sana ito na. God bless you and rodney. please send my warm hugs and kisses to cacai. i miss both of you so much. please tell her that her dad is going on with his journey, taking some slow¬†baby steps and choosing to be happy. more birthdays to come. oops….remember this song?)

It’s hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life
Passes things get more comfortable
Everything is going right

And after all the obstacles
It’s good to see you now with someone else
And it’s such a miracle that you and me are still good friends
After all that we’ve been through
I know we’re cool

We used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain

Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown
We have changed but we’re still the same
After all that we’ve been through
I know we’re cool

And I’ll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles, and now we’re hangin’ out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we’ve been
I know we’re cool

                      cool/gwen stefani    

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thank you Lou!

i didn’t know that through blogging i would be able to meet people who will deeply care for me,¬†who will pray for me and who will lift my spirit up and encourage me to go on with my battle. it was a blessing to have¬†found here at wordpress a support group for people with leukemia. i’ve learned a lot from their blogs, their¬†sharings and online advise.¬†it has given me a sense of belonging and it was a source of strength and inspiration.

today when i opened my email, i got an¬†alert from a friend has sent me a message. and i was so moved¬†when i read her piece.¬†i’ve decided to put a copy of her letter here not for my own self-gratification, but as as sign of my deep appreciation for her concern and for being a friend. Thank you so much Lou. I hope you won’t get mad at me because i published your letter here. God bless you.

“July 26, 2007


Hello my dear imeem friends,

In our busy and stressful lives, imeem is really one great escapade…listening to music, meeting new friends, sharing common interests, exchanging funny/ sweet comments, expressing deep sentiments etc..etc..etc…

Most of us doesnt know each other personally…but it doesnt matter to me, because i believe most of us here in imeem are passionate , hopeless romantic music lovers,and kindhearted individuals and i find it comfortable to share with you guys some inner thoughts that i have lately…

I have been blog hopping lately, i find it so interesting… until one day i bumped into one blogsite which captured my sentiments and emotions…fortunately the blog owner of this site is an imeem member and has no friend in his profile. I was deeply touched with his blogs/posts that i requested him to add me to his network. I read his blogs all the time…and jus like him, i also have a lot of trials and tribultions in life…but gosh…he made a difference in my life…I was inspired and felt truly blessed for not going through what he is having right now…

and for this matter i would like to reach out to you guys…Please visit his website to know him more (… I hope that in our own little way we can make a little difference in his life and also in our lives…
maybe we can add him to our friendslist?
maybe we can be really friends with him?
maybe we can include him in our prayers?
maybe we can communicate with him even thru e-power?
maybe giving him a little thought that somewhere…somehow…there are people like us no matter how busy, stressed and imeem addicts we are…
yet, we sympathize with him, we feel his agony, who understands his situation, who wishes the best for him? what do you think my friends? just a thought…

anyways, my apologies for being so emote today…bawi ako sa susunod…

lou /
a.k.a. NYNAVI

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the greatest advice

My good friend Lian sent me this epistle. 

the Purpose Driven Life

Don’t date because you are desperate.
Don’t marry because you are miserable.
Don’t have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don’t philander because you think you are irresistible.

Don’t associate with people you can’t trust.
Don’t cheat. Don’t lie. Don’t pretend.
Don’t dictate because you are smarter.
Don’t demand because you are stronger.

Don’t sleep around because you think you are old enough & know better.
Don’t hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don’t sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don’t stagnate!

Don’t regress.
Don’t live in the past. Time can’t bring anything or anyone back.
Don’t put your life on hold for possibly Ms. Right.
Don’t throw your life away on absolutely Ms. Wrong because your
biological clock is ticking.

Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won, only a price to be paid for some of life’s more hasty decisions.

To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don’t bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.

To make yourself happy, pursue your passions & be the best of what you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and
dangerous liaisons.
Don’t abandon your responsibilities but don’t overdose on duty.

Don’t live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.
Be true to yourself.
Don’t commit when you are not ready.
Don’t keep others waiting needlessly.

Go on that trip. Don’t postpone it.
Say those words. Don’t let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society’s scorn.

Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.

Take care of yourself. Don’t wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life.
You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you – except YOU.

It isn’t true that life does not get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don’t be afraid. Don’t lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.

Live your dreams.
Don’t lose faith in God.
Don’t grow old. Just grow YOU!

When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you’ll never get back.
Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give to
someone is your time.
Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is
T-I-M-E because the essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves

God is good all the time!

and this is her……Lian!!!¬†(hey! thanks for the friendship, for being so open minded and for listening to my “insane” thoughts. you take care. God bless!)

Comments (9) »

bea, the BIG winner!!!!

she won! she won! she won! yahooooooooooooooo!!!!


pinoy big brother season 2 big winner!!

congratulations ms. beatriz saw! God bless!!!

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happy birthday son

(this entry was first published at my friendster blog, january 2006)

Dear Jay: My son, my first can i forget that day when your mother came to me, shoving right into my face a test strip, “sh*t ka lex, buntis ako”…from that moment i knew my life will never be the same again…i panicked..and was really confused….it brought me sleepless nights…anxieties….lost of appetite..added to that was your mother’s continuous nagging…constantly telling me that she doesn’t want to marry me…that we have to do something fast as she needs to go to Japan for her family’s sake..and that a baby is the least of her priorities..she even blamed me for not “withdrawing” at the proper time…“kasalanan mo to”…as if it is not a consensual act….your mother was 4 months on the way when I finally had the courage to tell your “daddy lolo” about my predicament…he punched me…kicked me..shouted at me…as if i was the worst thing that ever happened to him…i knew i disappointed him…he was expecting a “good son”…just like your Tito Henry…i was hurt..but i understand was my fault..nevertheless, he was the one who initiated the move to talk to your mother’s parents..a deal was made…your mother will never marry me…and that they will not bother me..and my long as we pay all her expenses related to the pregnancy plus expenses for her trip to Japan…your “Daddy Lolo” thought it was a good idea..and told me that I have to pay those expenses on my own… he declared that i will never get any financial help from him…it was a sheer agony as i was earning so little with my work at that time and i don’t have enough resources…thank GOD for people who were very supportive of me…on top of the list was your “Mommy Lola” who regularly visited me at my apartment…easing my burdens with her selfless love and support..helping me financially and spiritually..i sold my second hand semi-dilapidated mitsubishi lancer a month before you were born…i needed money to pay for the delivery…and so it came…at 11:05 in the evening, 25th day of June, you were born via normal delivery at Chinese General Hospital…when i was told the words “Congrats po, It’s a baby boy”..all the pain went away…felt like i was the happiest man in the world at that time…a few hours after that I was asked to go the nursery viewing area..i saw you my dear son…fragile..pinkish..yawning…wearing a blue baby dress…i was crying son…i was so happy…no matter how bad the situation at that time..the circumstances of how you were made and born…became irrelevant at the moment..all that matter at that time was the fact that that I’m now a dad…i’m a father…i have a son.. your mother gave you to us when you were almost 5 months old..she’s leaving for Japan..finally…your “Mommy Lola” became your “mother”..and the rest as they say…was history…i can’t believe how big you are now..i remember when we were shopping for shoes last Christmas and i was shocked to see how big your feet has become..a few years from now you’ll become a teenager..and you will then begin to notice girls….you’ll have peers…and fears…you’ll experience changes in your physical make up..son, i want you to know that daddy loves you so much…everytime i see the world getting worst every day..i would fear for your future…but then I know GOD is in control…and i pray that you may not commit the mistakes that I’ve made in my better than your dad….i know sometimes you feel that i’m loving you less because i spend more time in my work than going home to Bulacan and spending time with you..daddy wants to say sorry…please don’t think that i love you less because the truth is i really love you son…its just that there are things that i have to do so that i can give you a better life…i pray that this year will be a better year for the two of us…and i want to really spend more time with you….

this is a new post:

happy birthday son. i know that what we have right now are not as good as before and i can feel your pain. son, it is easy to say that things happen for reasons but believing it is one thing. i know God has a purpose on why we are in this difficult situation and we may never understand that now, i know in His perfect time we will see His plan.

i pray that He gives you wisdom as you treck along this journey called life. remember that even if i’m not there physically, you are in my heart and that my spirit and my love will always be with you.

you are a very special part of me and i only want the best for you. i’m keeping my promise son, daddy will not give up without a fight.

God bless you son. again, happy birthday!

“Soul of my soul, heart of my heart
The greatest treasure of my life thats what you are
Soul of my soul, child of my heart
I love you more than you know, soul of my soul”

                                soul of my soul/michael bolton


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for my dad

There was a man back in ’95
Whose heart ran out of summers
But before he died, I asked him

Wait, what’s the sense in life
Come over me, Come over me

He said,

Son why you got to sing that tune
Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon
Let an angel swing and make you swoon
Then you will see… You will see

Then he said,

Here’s a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There’s a reason for the world
You and I…

Picked up my kid from school today

Did you learn anything cause in the world today
You can’t live in a castle far away
Now talk to me, come talk to me

He said,

Dad I’m big but we’re smaller than small
In the scheme of things, well we’re nothing at all
Still every mother’s child sings a lonely song
So play with me, come play with me

And Hey Dad
Here’s a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There’s a reason for the world
You and I…

I said,

Son for all I’ve told you
When you get right down to the
Reason for the world…
Who am I?

There are secrets that we still have left to find
There have been mysteries from the beginning of time
There are answers we’re not wise enough to see

He said… You looking for a clue I Love You free…

The batter swings and the summer flies
As I look into my angel’s eyes
A song plays on while the moon is hiding over me
Something comes over me

I guess we’re big and I guess we’re small
If you think about it man you know we got it all
Cause we’re all we got on this bouncing ball
And I love you free
I love you freely

Here’s a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There’s a reason for the world
You and I…
                             the riddle/five for fighting

happy father’s day daddy! i will never forget what you said to me a few nights ago. you are so right about it. don’t worry dad, i know i can survive this battle. i love you daddy! i’ll see you soon!

happy father’s day to me ūüôā to all my uncles, cousins, friends and all the daddy-readers of this blog.¬† (i can’t believe i hit the 3,000 plus stat wow!)

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