Archive for Pebrero, 2008

answered prayer

Pebrero 26, 2008 · Nakalagay sa a piece of me, happy :), the "l" chronicles

today, i finally got the result of my spinal tap.

after analyzing and comparing the blast cells on my latest spinal tap from the blast cells of my original bone marrow biopsy, the pathologist concluded that they look very different from the leukemic blast cells in the original biopsy and that the blast cells were normal immature cells.

my “early cell count” was only 4% and she said that anything below 5% is considered normal. so technically i’m in remission! yahooo!!!!  

i’ll be out of the hospital next week for my much needed rest and then i’ll go back to consolidation therapy after 1 month. the oncologist said that i can take the therapy as an out-patient and it will be for 2 months. if all goes well then we will proceed with the bone marrow transplant by mid-May.

i’m much overwhelmed by God’s great love for me. words are inadequate to describe the joy within me. thank you to my family for the unconditional love, my relatives, my doctors, nurses, friends, online friends and strangers who prayed for me and journeyed with me. thank you so much. He answered our prayers.

to my Lord and Savior, my Redeemer and Healer,  Jesus Christ, You are awesome! i worship You for who You are. thank you for Your faithfulness, thank you for Your Great love. I am in awe of You!

the journey from brokenman to betterman continues…….

standing here in Your presence, thinking of the good things You have done. waiting here patiently, just to hear the still small voice again

Holy, Righteous, Faithful ’till the end. Savior, Healer, Redeemer and Friend

I will worship You for who You are. I will worship You for who You are. I will worship You for who You are Jesus

My soul’s secure, Your promises’ sure. Your love endures always

I will worship You for who You are. I will worship You for who You are. I will worship You for who You are Jesus         

                     for who you are/hillsong australia

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you

Pebrero 22, 2008 · Nakalagay sa happy :), moving on, my emotions on video, picture message

picture-103.jpg

I never felt alone
I was happy on my own
And who would ever know there was something missing
I guess I didn’t see the possibility
It was waiting all the time
But it never crossed my mind
Till you opened up my eyes
Now all I think about is

You in my life
In my dreams
In my heart I know it’s true
That I belong with you
Because of you in my world
In my arms
I have everything and now
I can’t imagine what I’d do
Without you

I never thought that love could be
Such a curiosity
But what attracted you to me
Was so unexpected
But it was waiting all the time
And it never crossed my mind
Until you opened up my eyes
Now all I think about is

You In my life
In my dreams
In my heart I know it’s true
That I belong with you
Because of you in my world
In my arms
I have everything and now
I can’t imagine what I’d do
I can’t imagine what I’d do
Without you
Without you

you/jim brickman and tara maclean

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the waiting continues

Pebrero 20, 2008 · Nakalagay sa broken sentiments, muni-muni, the "l" chronicles · Tagged , , , , ,

i was supposed to get the result of my spinal tap yesterday but a few hours before my scheduled appointment, my oncologist  called and he told me that the pathologist still hasn’t reach a conclusive and definitive findings as to whether the blast cells found in the sample are normal immature white cells or abnormal or leukemic cells. my doctor said the pathologist requested that she be given  some of the slides from my original bone marrow biopsy for comparison and analysis. looks like i have to wait for two more days.  😦

i was told that if the test would remain inconclusive i have no other choice but to repeat the spinal tap. or if the pathologist will eventually conclude that the cells are indeed leukemic cells then there’s an immediate need for me to undergo a more extensive chemo, 3 days per week for 3 months and then depending on the progress, i’ll undergo stem cell transplant which will be my last resort. but the thing is: my oncologist is worried that my frail body would not be able to withstand another round of extensive chemo since i had 3 chemo sessions already. he’s afraid that my organs would not be able to take the repercussions and eventually they would fail and kill me. on the other hand, if i don’t undergo another round of chemo (assuming i still have leukemic cells), i won’t last longer than a year. this is so depressing.

on the lighter side, if the pathologist concludes that the blast cells were normal immature white cells it means i don’t have leukemic cells anymore and i will be in remission. i will then undergo a month of consolidation therapy to prepare me for the stem cell transplant.

i don’t know what to feel right now. my head is full of “what if’s”. i know He holds my life in His hand and i just have to accept His will and trust His plans for me, but then, this is easier said than done. nevertheless, I will keep on trusting Him and will continue to wait on Him. i know He will carry me through, He will not leave me nor forsake me.

thank you for your unconditional love Lord. Your love keeps me sane.

You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You

I will sing to You, Lord
A hymn of love
For Your faithfulness to me
I’m carried in everlasting arms
You’ll never let me go
Through it all

Hallelujah, hallelujah

through it all/hillsong

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a song and a prayer

Pebrero 19, 2008 · Nakalagay sa happy :), my emotions on video · Tagged ,

I’ll Worship at Your Throne
Whisper my own love song
With all my heart I’ll sing
For You my Dad and King
I’ll live for all my days
To Put a smile on Your face
And when we finally meet
It’ll be for eternity

And Oh how wide You open up Your arms
When I need Your love
And how far You would come
If ever I was lost
And You said that all You feel for me
Is undying love
That You showed me through the cross

I’ll worship You my God
I’ll worship You my God
I love You
I love You
Forever I will sing
Forever I will be with You
Be with You

                          forever/hillsong

Father God, today, Your will for me will be revealed. Lord, teach me to accept it with all my heart. Please strengthen my faith as I hold on to the truth that Your ways are higher than mine and that You love me and You know what’s best for me. teach me to thank You in all circumstances. have Your way in me Lord. all the glory, honor and praise be unto You alone!

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salamat gotpinoy.com

Pebrero 19, 2008 · Nakalagay sa broken sentiments, happy :)

it was january 30, 2008 when i got this email from gotpinoy.com

Congratulations Lex,

Thank you for your continuous support of Philippine Blog Contest from
GotPinoy.com. We’ve chosen your blog
https://brokenman.wordpress.com to reward as our January Winner of
1,000.00 Pesos Gift Certificate for our Monthly Giveaway Prize.
Please confirm your name, address, and phone so we can process
your prize.

my first reaction was “is this real? hmm… could be a hoax”. a few days after i got another email saying the same thing and then some sms’ and offlines from a certain “oliver david” of gotpinoy.com.

i was able to talk with him thrice (online)  and there was even a time when he got pissed off with my endless questions that he resorted to saying “its okay lex, if you have doubts, we can just give the prize to another blogger” 🙂

so to make the long story short, i’ve decided to make the necessary confirmation and the gift certificate, SM Gold worth P1,000, was then delivered through myAyala.com.

so to gotpinoy.com and oliver david, thank you for “randomly” picking my blog. i became a thousand peso richer 🙂 yipee!!

and thanks to “you” for the picture. wanna go shopping with me? 🙂 we could eat siomai and chicken after. he he he.

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the longing

Pebrero 14, 2008 · Nakalagay sa broken sentiments, happy :), my emotions on video · Tagged ,

i long for someone who will…….. 

  • share with me the events of each day, the pleasures of each night
  • walk with me through the seasons, talk with me through all that life may bring our way
  • travel with me to the places of our dreams
  • be with me until i breathe my last
  • will take care good care of me 
  • will allow me to take good care of her
  • who will love me inspite of my condition
  • who will look into my eyes as she answers the question at the video below 🙂 wink! wink!

happy valentine’s day!

oh baby

i found the nerve to try again. some broken hearts given time will mend. will you be gentle if i surrender all to you, to you.

please understand that i’ve got to be sure. the lessons i’ve learned i can’t ignore. will you be gentle if i surrender all to you, to you

take good care of me ‘coz my heart’s a tender thing, oh yeah. take good care of me ‘coz this heart knows so much pain and could never have it hurting again. so take good care of me, of me

don’t get me wrong ‘coz i really care.but a shadow of doubt has always been there. please reassure me, hold me and kiss my fears away, my fears away

somethin’ tells me it’s right this time. it took a little while but i made up my mind. please reassure me that we’ll be together come what may, come what may

take good care of me ‘coz my heart’s a tender thing, oh yeah. take good care of me ‘coz this heart knows so much pain and could never have it hurting again. so take good care of me

i know forever’s never promise to anyone, so if we can’t wait forever, i’ll take what i can get ‘coz baby you’re the best thing that ever happened to me yet

oh baby, so if we can’t wait forever, i’ll take what i can get ‘coz baby you’re the best thing that ever happened to me yet, oh

take good care of me ‘coz my heart’s a tender thing, oh yeah. take good care of me ‘coz this heart knows so much pain and could never have it hurting again. so take…

oh darling, you got my heart in your hands this time….

baby…..i’ll give to you all of me baby….

                  take good care of me/jonathan butler

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each day with you

Pebrero 13, 2008 · Nakalagay sa broken sentiments, happy :)

 

Flowers for you, on this lovely evening
Though they have no words they share my feelings
As we walk along the avenue
Pardon me,  I just can’t help staring at you

When I look into those sparkling eyes
I float in the air and wander in paradise
You give my heart a source of inspiration
Your beauty is beyond imagination

You are the one
The only one that I desire
When we touch
When we’re one you light the fire
The seasons we share
Hand in hand, there seems to be no time
Each day with you becomes a Valentine

Time must go on and so must we
Moments slip away but not the memories
One day as we look back with all this treasure
Candlelight that shines beyond forever

You are the one,
The only one that I desire
When we touch
When we’re one you light the fire
The seasons we share
Hand in hand, there seems to be no time
Each day with you becomes a Valentine

Your beauty is beyond imagination

You are the one,
The only one that I desire
When we touch
When we’re one you light the fire
The seasons we share
Hand in hand, there seems to be no time
Each day with you becomes a Valentine

You are the one,
The only one that I desire
When we touch
When we’re one you light the fire
The seasons we share
Hand in hand, there seems to be no time
Each day with you becomes a Valentine

                           each day with you/martin nievera

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what’s up with me….

Pebrero 11, 2008 · Nakalagay sa a piece of me, the "l" chronicles · Tagged , , , , , ,

i have fever. it has been coming in and going out for a few days now and i’m getting used to the chills, shivers and tylenol. the doctor said this condition is quite “normal” for this phase so i just have to be more patient  😦

my immune system is still not normal so my ID (infectious disease) specialist prescribed 3 anti-infection medicines (anti-viral, anti-fungal, antibiotics) to help my body cope up with the vulnerabilities. my latest blood culture test revealed a negative result, meaning there’s no known infection present. i find it really weird since fever is an obvious sign of infection. again, the doctor said the condition is “common” for this phase and they call it “neutropenic fever”.

my ANC or absolute neutrophyl count was up to .4 today (yesterday it was .2) and my monocytes is up from 55 to 68%. today, i had a bowl of organic green salad and apples for breakfast and lunch. dinner was vegetable soup, a piece of banana and a pear.

i’ll have my spinal tap on wednesday and i’m praying that i’ll have complete remission this time. i’m trying to be positive about it, trying to be cool but often times i can’t stop the negative thoughts from creeping in. i’ve been in this treatment for quite a long time now and i feel very very tired already.

today, i found strength and comfort in a song called “wait” by steven curtis chapman. too bad youtube doesn’t have a video of it yet. you can still listen to the song, though, by hitting this link and then choose song # 7.  the lyrics of the song can be found below:

You wonder when the Lord will renew the strength within you;
You wonder how, how can He use you as you are.
Seems like you’re wasting precious time,
But then a voice comes to remind you (to wait)

Wait, wait, wait on the Lord;
You will understand in time.
Why you must wait,
Wait, wait, wait on the Lord;
Yes He hears you,
But for now you must wait on the Lord

Answers come slowly to your cries of desperation,
But time is His tool, teaching the greatest lessons learned;
So let Him do His work in you,
And watch the miracles come true as you (wait).

And He wants you to know that
They that wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They will rise up with wings as eagles,
They will run, not get weary.
They will walk and not faint;
That’s a promise to us when we (wait).

i’ve been reading some of the comments and its really lifting my spirit up. thank you for making my “journey” bearable. words are not enough to express  my appreciation. God bless all of you. please keep those prayers coming!

the journey from brokenman to betterman continues!!!!!

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feeling “fruity” good :)

Pebrero 8, 2008 · Nakalagay sa a piece of me, the "l" chronicles · Tagged , , , , , ,

i’m feeling “fruity” good today….he he he

i got my new meal plan which will be for 2 weeks and i’m back to the “all fruits and vegetables” diet.

for this day, i had plums and bowls of seedless grapes for breakfast, lunch and dinner

burp! burp! burp!

eureka!!! i found these interesting facts:

  •    Plums: They are high in carbohydrates, low in fat, low in calories, an excellent source of vitamin A, calcium, vitamin C, magnesium, iron, potassium and fiber. They are widely known for their laxative effects because the fruit contains sorbitol or sugar alcohol. Plums are also known to contain a high content of unique phytonutrient called neochloregenic acid and chlorogenic acid. These are anti-oxidants classified as phenols.

 

Phenols are damage-preventing substance particularly effective in neutralizing a destructive oxygen radical and they help prevent oxygen-based damage to fats, such as those comprising a substantial portion of our brain cells or neurons.

Grapes: they contain powerful antioxidants and resveratrol, which is known to help prevent both the narrowing and hardening of arteries. it also contains ellagic acid, which has anti-cancer properties. but they do, however, have a very high sugar content and should therefore be eaten in moderation.

grapes are 65-85% water, 10-33% sugar and has phlobaphene, gallic acid, silicic acid, quercetine, anin, glucosides – mono delphinidin and delphinidin, fruit acids, like apple acid, salicilic acid, phosphoric acid, lemon acid, amber acid, formic acid and a little bit of oxalic acid, pectins, tannic substances, salts of potassium, magnesium, calcium, manganese, cobalt, iron and vitamins B1, B2,В6, В12, А, С, Р, РР, K, folic acid and enzimes. whoa! that’s a mouthful!

grapes have been used for treating metabolism disorders, liver, kidney and lung disorders and cardiovascular problems. grapes improve metabolism and have diuretic, anti inflammation, light laxative and inducing perspiration effect. 

grapes help with nervous exhaustion, hypertension, high blood pressure, bronchitis and gout. eating grapes strengthens your body when you need to recover from anemia, gastritis with high acidity, metabolism disorder, chronic insomnia and constipation.

sources:http://searchwarp.com/swa150506.htm; http://www.health24.com/dietnfood/Healthy_foods/15-18-19-35.asp; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plum; http://www.thefruitpages.com/plums.shtml

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ikaw lamang

Pebrero 6, 2008 · Nakalagay sa my emotions on video · Tagged , , ,

Di ko maintindihan
Ang nilalaman ng puso
Tuwing magkahawak ang ating kamay
Pinapanalangin lagi tayong magkasama
Hinihiling bawat oras kapiling ka

Sa lahat ng aking ginagawa
Ikaw lamang ang nasa isip ko sinta
Sana’y di na tayo magkahiwalay
Kahit kailan pa man

Ikaw lamang ang aking minamahal
Ikaw lamang ang tangi kong inaasam
Makapiling ka habang buhay
Ikaw lamang sinta
Wala na kong hihingin pa
Wala na

Ayoko ng maulit pa
Ang nakaraang ayokong maalala
Bawat oras na wala ka
Parang mabigat na parusa

Huwag mong kakalimutan na kahit nag-iba
Hindi ako tumigil magmahal sa’yo sinta

Sa lahat ng aking ginagawa
Ikaw lamang ang nasa isip ko sinta

Sana’y di na tayo magkahiwalay
Kahit kailan pa man

Ikaw lamang ang aking minamahal
Ikaw lamang ang tangi kong inaasam
Makapiling ka habang buhay
Ikaw lamang sinta
Wala na kong hihingin pa
Wala na

                              ikaw lamang/silent sanctuary

                              (video by: xxxnimsay)

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done with my chemo

Pebrero 4, 2008 · Nakalagay sa broken sentiments, leukemia, the "l" chronicles

my consolidation chemo ended two days ago. thank GOD!

there were minor complications but the doctors’ said its manageable. i practically slept the whole day yesterday and now i can feel that my strength is slowly coming back. i’m still on liquid diet——mostly fruits/veggie juices and ensure—-and i’m starting to get really bored with it. i hope i would be given some soft solid foods soon.

most of my hives are dry now and i have an appointment with my dermatologist tomorrow morning. i still have a slight fever and a cold. the coming days will be the period of waiting for my blood count to go up and regenerate with, hopefully, no leukemia cells. over the next 2 weeks, it is expected that my count will improve and then i will have another spinal tap to check if i’m already in complete remission.

i feel so relieved that things are now going as they should. i also have high hopes that my count will start to rebuild within the coming days. i thank GOD for His great love for me. without Him, i know i would not be able to survive the ordeal.

i also want to express my deepest gratitude to my doctors, to the nurses, to my family, to my relatives, friends, online friends, strangers—-everyone who prayed for me and journeyed with me—-God bless all of You!

please join me and my family in praying for complete remission! thanks again!

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my “other sister”

Pebrero 3, 2008 · Nakalagay sa a piece of me, happy :), they help me breathe

God has blessed me with the gift of siblings. aside from 2 wonderful brothers, i have two ( it used to be three) adorable sisters. i’ve already made an entry about my baby sister here on the occasion of her “20 plus” birthday. so this one is for my “other sister” who is celebrating her “30 plus” birthday today, february 3.

here are some of the “not so crazy, not so common, not so funny” things about her:

  • she was born three years after i was born
  • she has a twin sister (who died when they were 4 years old) and this twin sister is 3 minutes older than her
  • she came out “feet first” (a “footling breech”)
  • she grew up “a little boyish” because kuya and i were her playmates
  • she’s not afraid to say what’s on her mind
  • she’s a “one-woman-comedy-act” (she can sing, dance and do monologue at the same time, he he he)
  • she joined a singing contest on tv when she was a kid
  • she hates dishes with curry (it upsets her stomach)
  • half of her room is filled with her collections of CDs, audio tapes and books
  • she’s a lawyer, board chairman, NGO worker
  • she can’t eat without “patis” (one time we were eating in a very posh resto and she called the waiter and said “excuse me, penge patis”)
  • she loves to make funny poses on cam
  • eating is her (opps)
  • she’s into japanese, italian and chinese dishes
  • she attempted to came out of the “tradition veil” and she made it through successfully
  • she’s funny, caring, smart and sweet BUT beware of her serious dark side (he he he)
  • she has the talent of making a one embarrassing blooper into a light and funny moment
  • she’s my sister and i love her so much

happy birthday yei! God bless you more! thanks for taking that leap (you know what i mean)……keep it up!

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