B-R-O-K-E-N-M-A-N

Since you’ve been gone I’ve been lonely
Longing to be with you only
Maybe there’s still is a way I could find you and say.. just how I feel
I can’t believe that it’s over
Wished somehow I could have showed her
All that was inside my heart ‘stead of playing the games
You might have stayed..

(Funny just the other night).. I was thinking
(I wondered if you ever think).. about me
(I call you on the phone).. there’s no answer

Oh well.. There’s still tomorrow
Oh well.. I’ll try again
Oh well.. Maybe just maybe..

Since you’ve been gone I’ve been lonely
Longing to be with you only
If there’s a way I could beg you to stay
Would you please.. Stay with me?

(I was thinking maybe I).. could come over
(Hoping that we could finally).. work this out
(Even if tonight) ..we don’t dont find an answer

Oh well… There’s still tomorrow
Oh well.. I’ll try again
Oh well.. Maybe just maybe..

(Oooh..)

If I had another chance
We would stand hand in hand
You’d be my girl
I’d be ur man
Oh well.. maybe just maybe we can

I still call you on the fone.. still no answer..
Maybe later on I’ll try.. one more time or
Am I just a fool? To keep trying..

Oh well.. There’s still tomorrow
Oh well.. A fool’s what I am
Oh well.. Maybe just maybe..

Oh still there’s still tomorrow
Ohhh welll
Maybe just maybe..
See if I bend on my knees and give you all of me

Oh well there’s still tomorrow
Oh well I’ll try again
Oh well.. please.. just maybe

Since you’ve been gone.. I’ve been lonely..

–Oh Well/Boyz II Men

i miss you bebe ko!

alone

stranded

dizzy

in pain

weak on the knees

missing her

how i wish she could just go here and see me…

maybe then…if she sees me…my condition now…maybe…she’ll see…what’s was left of me…the broken me…

“bebe, you are the only “other half” that can make me whole!”

i don’t know what your silence means. thousands of thoughts–both negative and positive—are entering my weak mind every minute of the day. have you given up on me? is this intentional? is this your way of getting even with me? is this a strategy? is this some kind of a plan?

a part of me is saying “i should not think about it. not to make a big deal about it and just let it pass” but a part of me longs for you, crazy about you, and hurting because of this “invisible wall” between us. and i’m scared…so scared that you’ll take the “chance” away.

your silence…it’s hurting me so much…

i love you….still…i guess…that’s the reason why even in your silence…there’s pain

Silence is night
   and just as there are nights
      with no moon and no stars
when you’re all alone
   totally alone
       when you’re cursed
when you become a nothing
   which no one needs—
So there are silences which are threatening
   because there is nothing except
    the silence.

               -deep thoughts on silence, author unknown 

How do you heal a broken heart
That feels like it will never beat this much again
Oh no
I just can’t let go
How do you heal a broken heart
That feels like it will never love this much again
Oh no
Tonight I’ll hold what could be right
Tomorrow I’ll pretend to let you go

                  -how do you heal a broken heart, chris walker

i know i should start moving on…..i know i need to start the process of letting go…she’s happy…she’s living her life…and i’m lonely..broken… i don’t want to stay miserable for the rest of my life….if she’s trying to be happy….i know i should too….but i just can’t…a part of me is still holding on to that “dot” of hope…for how long?…i really don’t know……i don’t know if healing is really possible……she’s right when she said to me..”may naumpisahan tayo na di ko alam kung kailan o dapat o paano tatapusin”. 

when we became friends…you called me “enzo” and i called you “bella”

when we became more than that….we called each other “BEBE” and i just love calling you that way…and everytime you call me “BEBE” i feel so alive…so happy…

when things became so complicated and we drifted apart…you told me i will be your BEBE “hanggang lamunin na ako ng lupa” and i told you…you are and will always be my BEBE..

we agreed..while at that stage of trying to fix things…we will still call each other BEBE..even if we are not yet officially on it again…

but NOW….especially last night..when you called me BEBE…it was so sarcastic…so cold….so bland…it just lost its meaning….you called me BEBE…and it was painful…you called me BEBE…and i felt your love dying…

you said it was my fault…okay…but remember you admitted…you screwed up too…but it doesnt matter anymore now…we’ve hurt each other a lot…i dont want to hurt you anymore…and i hope you feel the same way for me.

looks like there’s nothing left for me to hope for…nothing left to fix…the dot of hope is beginning to disappear into oblivion…but look…you are happy…you are living your life again….and look at me….sick…miserable..unable to move on…broken….again

you got your life back…good for you…

me….i got nothing….oh well i got pain…broken dreams…a shattered heart…..

thank you

you are still and will always be my BEBE….nothing can change that..nothing…just….nothing

i know i’ve hurt you and i’m sorry that i caused you to be unhappy. i’m hurting too bebe. after our last conversation, i felt so unworthy and so undeserving of your love. but i love you and i want to do my part. i want us to get over the hurt. to be happy again. to be together again.

i dont expect you to accept me right away, but i’m willing to wait–no matter how long will it take…i want to take the time to rebuild your trust in me and to prove that i really do value what we had…to show my respect and love for you.

i love you so much…eventhough you may not believe that right now…more than anything else i want us to be together again.

being in love with you….is something i could not and will not stop doing…you are my bebe…for always!

In the wee small hours of the morning
While the whole wide world is fast asleep
You lie awake and think about the girl
And never ever think of counting sheep

When your lonely heart has learned its lesson
You’d be hers if only she would call
In the wee small hours of the morning
Thats the time you miss her most of all

               –in the wee small hours of the morning, frank sinatra

i miss you so much. your smile. your eyes. your voice. the sound of your laughter. the “uyayi”. i miss everything about you.i miss you bebe!